Killing Yourself to Live

Rejection

You know what the greatest feeling on Earth is? When you find that one person that strips you of your depression and cynicism. Somebody you can talk to for hours on end about the most random bullshit like politics or music or something. Someone that just generally makes the world a better place for you. This is the person that will make you go from thinking the world is going to end to thinking that everything is awesome, that the glee and nirvana will last forever. The worst feeling is the day you find out the person betrayed you. They cheated on you, or lied to you or something else like that. It's the worst feeling in the world to have that person, your hero; your partner in time, rip your heart out, throw it on the ground and spit on it right in front of you. This is someone that can deal with all of your problems with you. This person makes loneliness seem like a concept of fiction, but then one day they leave you or hurt you or die on you. I know rejection. I know you know rejection. Rejection is the flaming bullet that zips through your skull and decimates you before you can even really make sense of the situation. Rejection is the cold mistress that God sends down to give you the finger and kick you in the face. Rejection is not nice. Rejection is pain, but it's also apart of life. After that person, your god or goddess, the one beacon of inspiration and motivation in life crawls away from you; you crawl into the corner and cry and let the pain and cynicism seep in like venom in your veins. It infects. You soon realize that rejection is not a monster. You find out that love is dead and that everybody else in the world has someone and you have yourself. You are your own best friend. You are your own ally. The war on desperation becomes your Cold War. You get nothing but fear, pain and cynicism. When you finally find someone that looks up to you, you reject them because you don't want to get hurt any further but they call you a fucking asshole for being insensitive. Are you being insensitive, or is it just a sphere of protection from the pain of rejection that left a scar in your brain beforehand? It infects like the plague, everyone you love floats away and you are left to starve on your own tropical island of desolation and pain. You push people away and welcome death in through your front door. Death becomes your friend, your teacher and your lover. Death is a cold, hard cell that locks you in for the rest of eternity, just like rejection and cynicism. The world points at you and laughs. They shove you around and kick you while you're down. None of them realize that it's not your fault. It's not your fault you find yourself fighting life. You fight society and it's bigotry but it always gets back up in the next round, solely to put you down. It's their fault though. They turned you into a monster. A freak show on legs.

I know rejection.
You know rejection.
Rejection is the cold, padded prison cell that drives men mad.

Rejection infects.
Rejection burns.
Rejection dissects.
Rejection hurts.

It all becomes clear soon enough. The window defrosts and you can finally see. You try to reason, but they don't listen. They tell you that people can't change, yet when they see you on the street they tell you to get a smile and cheer up. Your first response is 'Why don't you just shut the fuck up?'

Tell them that. Let them know that they made you the bloodthirsty beast that you are today.

Let them know about rejection.
How they sucked you in and spat you out.
How they rejected you,
And changed you.