Sincerely Luna Rose

November 24th, 2014

Dear Nobody,

I've dealt with muggers before, I've been in fist fights with other girls mostly because they think that I stole their boyfriends, I've fended off some of my mom's perverted boyfriends, I've walked through my neighborhood at night. My point is that I've been through some scary things in my life, but I've never been as scared as I was last night.

I woke up in the middle of the night with David's hand down my pants and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Nothing happened though, I somehow got away from him but I had to spend the night downstairs on the couch but I didn't sleep because I was shaking with fear the whole time and I couldn't even close my eyes. When David came downstairs, I hid in the kitchen until he left the apartment. The moment that he left was the first time that I could breathe since I woke up this morning.

Now, I've gotten dressed and I'm hiding out in the Ronlux building until my friends wake up and get their messages. Hopefully, they are willing to skip school so that they can meet me here because I'm going to lose my mind if I'm alone for much longer. I can't stop reliving what happened last night and I don't have enough weed to last me all day. That's the only thing that's kind of calming me down right now. It's not like school matters to any of us anyway, so I'm sure that they won't have a problem with this.

I've never been so afraid. In my own house, nonetheless, and I don't know what I'm going to do. David shouldn't be living in the apartment for much longer but until his relationship with my mother ends, I don't know how I'm going to survive.

I'll let you know if I figure it out though.

Picture included: A corner of the Ronlux basement- I will sleep here until David is gone if I have to.

Sincerely,
Luna Rose

I put the letter and picture in the envelope before sealing it and putting it into my bag but now that I've written a letter and I've smoked as much as my head can take, I don't know how else I'm going to be able to cope with this whole David thing. Writing and smoking are really the only two ways that I cope with anything really, and now I have nothing to do in this disgusting basement except to wait for somebody else to show up. It probably won't make me feel better but at least it'll get my mind off of it for a little while.

Without anything else to do, I just start pacing back and forth around the basement. I tell myself to toughen up because this probably isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me and worse things will definitely happen to me in the future. I have to get over this.

But something about this makes it different than anything else that I've ever felt. I feel like David took my body away from me, even just barely but it makes me feel like my body isn't even mine. Granted, I don't treat it so well as it is but it's still mine, and I get to choose who does or does not get to touch it. I don't have much, but I do have power over my own body. But... if I don't have that then what do I have at all? The answer that I'm looking for is nothing. I have nothing.

I flash back to last night and I can almost feel David's hand rubbing against my bare skin and a disgusted shiver runs down my spine. I try to push it out of my mind but I can't stop remembering how forceful he was and how terrified I was that I wasn't going to be able to stop him. Helpless and terrified are two things that I hate feeling, as I'm sure most people do. But I've never felt so helpless and terrified at the same time, and those feelings still haven't faded.

I'm almost about to start crying again, I can feel it bubbling in my throat, but when I hear a creak on the stairs over to the right, I cough to cover up the first sob and then stand up straight. No crying here, I don't cry at all ever.