Sincerely Luna Rose

December 7th, 2014

Dear Nobody ... somebody?

I know that I shouldn't be writing these letters after what happened yesterday but I can't help it. It's how I cope with everything and I can't take that away from myself. I just won't make the naïve mistake of actually sending them out into the mail. That takes away some of the meaning of the whole activity but it's sure better than not writing at all or sending them out to another address and praying that I didn't fuck it up again.

Now that that's cleared up, I need to decide what my next move is. Not only how to deal with Danni but also just how to deal with my day in general because I'm still lying in bed and I don't know what I should do next. Get up and shower? Just lay here and listen to my stereo all day? Hang out with my friends? Mope? There are plenty of things that I can use this day for because it's Sunday and I don't have work but I can't think of anything except for that stupid college kid who has read all of my letters. And I also can't stop thinking about all of the personal crap that I put in those letters. This stranger knows everything about Grey, about David, she knows about every secret that I've ever had in the past two years. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

She wants to meet up with me again after I've digested all of this but I don't see how I can ever look this girl in the eye knowing that she knows all of this stuff about me. I think that maybe I'll call Grey over because I know that he wouldn't sleep with me last night which was actually kind of nice of him to be honest, but now that I'm not such an emotional wreck on the outside, I think that he'll go for it. I know that it's probably a bad idea to rely on Grey for a therapeutic release but it's either him or alcohol and I've seen what happens to people when they use alcohol to solve all of their problems and it gets very ugly very quickly. I don't want to be like that. Maybe sleeping with Grey like I am isn't much better but at least it's not something that I'd have to go to rehab for.

So it's decided. I will call Grey when I get out of bed. I still have no idea when that will be.

No picture this time.

Sincerely,
Luna Rose

I fold up the letter that I'd just written and I place it in an old shoe box before pushing it under my bed for safe keeping. I lay back down in my bed while I try to work up the courage to face the day but it's not working because I just feel too inside of myself today to even move.

Well, I did move enough to write that useless letter and now I'm moving enough to grab a half-smoked joint from my nightstand and the lighter next to it to get a little bit of marijuana into my system before I do anything today. Maybe that'll help me think of something else other than the college kid with all of my secrets.

It doesn't.

Just as I'm about to get out of my bed to call Grey, there's a knock on the front door downstairs that pounds so loud that I can hear it through my locked bedroom door. I wait a few moments to try and hear anybody else in the house getting up to get the door but eventually, I decide that Nathan and my mom are either not here or still sleeping so I go downstairs and open the door myself to see two of Nathan's friends standing there.

Without saying a word, I just step to the side and let them walk into the apartment and I close the door behind them.

"Where's Nathan?" One of them asks me and I start breathing through my mouth because they reek of stale cigarettes and rotten eggs. I don't know either one of their names but I recognize them from hanging out around the apartment with Nathan sometimes and they're always at the parties that he throws here. One of them is taller than me with greasy brown hair, always-reddened brown eyes, acne-ridden skin, and his clothes are so baggy that it looks like he just went on a fad diet, lost 100 pounds and still hasn't bought new clothes to fit his smaller body. The other guy is shorter than me with dark skin, dark eyes, he's almost bald with only a thin layer of wiry hair on top of his head, his clothes are still baggy but not as baggy as the other guy's.