My 2 Year Resolution

Chapter 3

December 29th 2015

The suns rays warm my face as I open my eyes slowly. My hands search through the bed sheets to try and find Eric's hand but nothing is found. I sit up and look around and see nothing. That's strange I think, Eric never wakes up early. I walk out of the room and into the kitchen were a note catches my eye. I quickly but quietly being cautious not wake Paisley I pick up the note and read it. "NO!" I scream and I sink down onto the floor and begin to cry.

"Mummy? Are you okay?"

I look up and see a concerned little face looking down at her heartbroken mother lying on the kitchen floor crying. "Mummy's okay she just needs a hug." I reply. She looks at me and quickly comes to my side and holds me close. "What wrong?" She asks cautiously. I think for a moment contemplating on what to say. Should I lie to her? "Daddy...is...going away for a while." That much was true but that was not the full story. The full story was that the love of my life or so I thought had left me a note saying not to contact him and that he can't handle what is going on and that he is going to live with another woman. If he can't handle my current condition can I, can Paisley, can everyone else in my life?

I don't know how long I lay there, shattered, devastated and broken beyond repair. I lay on the freezing cold tiles in a stunned daze, with my head on the floor. My auburn curls spread out around my head like a halo, but my heart was as icy as stone.

The wheels in my head churned, and thoughts scattered around my head like cows being herded, yet my brain was empty. Completely and utterly void of rational thoughts and feelings. Everything was churning inside my lower torso, but all of my emotions were jumbled together, and I couldn't make them out.

There was but one huge, heavy word laying over me like a damp blanket, consuming my every thought, every emotion, every word. It smothered my heart to the point were it was broken, suffocating with its very presence.

The pain was insufferable, tearing my heart to shreds. Nothing had ever hurt as much as this does. Nothing had ever torn me in half as much as this had.

Heart-break.

It killed me to think of the one who had caused this pain, who had simply tossed me out like trash. Who I thought I had meant more to, but simply left when I needed him most.

Before I realised it, wet, sad tears were dripping down my cheeks, and soon, they were flooded down. I had lost all control, all I could feel was my heart breaking inside of me. And the one emotion.

Sadness. It ripped through me. And it was all his fault. My pain, my heartache, my hopelessness, it was his doing.

Eric's.

The name ripped another slice through me, and I whimpered with pain. I had never felt this depressed before.

'Mummy?' A timid, scared voice asked from above me. I opened my blurry eyes to make out my nervous looking daughter.

She's twiddling her thumbs and tugging at the hem of her sundress, tears well up in her eyes.

'Oh baby don't cry' I whisper hoarsely.

She nodded her head yet her eyes betray her, and soon we are both lying on the cold floor, hysterical.

She's curled up in my arms, and I press her against me gently. Her tears rain down on my arms, and she trembles, sniffing quietly. She's racked with sobs, and my eyes trail to the ceiling, and I pray. Pray for both of us to get better, to get through this time.

I remember my promise to her, that I would never be the one to hurt her. To cause her pain. It tears me half to see her like this, so forcing the tears back, I start stroking her head soothingly. I would be strong for the both of us. I'd call up Myer and we would stay with them. We both weren't stable or strong enough to get through this alone.

'Shhhh, sweet pea don't cry.' I repeat over and over again.

I wrap a blue and red checkered blanket around her trembling body, and plant a soft kiss in her hair.

'Shhhhhhhh' I repeat again.

An hour later, we are both calm, and are simply taking in each other's presence.

My eyes dart around our messy apartment and the soft moonlight pouring through the open window. Paisley is playing with my fingers, particularly with the golden band around my ring finger. The diamonds catch the evening moonlight, and sparkle brightly.

I didn't have the heart to take it off. It was a cruel reminder of what we could've been.

'Bad daddy' She whispers, looking at the ring with anger.

Shocked, I look down at the little girl trembling with rage in my arms.

'Bad, bad daddy' her voice is risen now, and her face is scrunched up with disgust. My mouth is open in surprise.

Her emerald eyes meet mine, and I'm shocked with the intensity of them. With the pure angry emotions that swim in them.

'No honey, Daddy's just-

'No' she simply interrupts, her small hands balled into fists. She stands up in my lap, her feet are bare, her cute sunflower thongs discarded earlier on in the evening.

She presses her tiny hands on my two cheeks, and brings my face close to hers. We are so close that her nose touches mine.

'Daddy hurt Mummy,' Her breath tickles my face. She shushes me, her two tiny hands squeezing my cheeks tightly so my lips are puckered.

I bring my thumb to her face, and wipe away a stray tear.

'Then why are you crying?' I murmur silently, patting her brown curls.

'Not crying 'cause Daddy gone, crying 'cause he hurt you, Mummy' she whispers earnestly.

I'm speechless, dumbfounded.

Before I can react, her two hands wrap around my neck.

She buries her face in my hair, and I lift her off the ground and circle my hands around her immediately. I inhale her sweet artificial strawberry scent.

'It's just me and you, sweet pea' I tell her.

She simply nods. I look around the room, scrutinising all of the possessions that he had left here. We are going to have our work cut out for us.

'I'll always love you' I promise her.

Her legs curl around my waist, and she brings herself back so she can look at my face.

'To the moon and back' she adds.