One minute I'll feel all happy then the next I'll start thinking about something that happened that day and start crying like what's happening right now I'm thinking about earlier when I grabbed my friends by her stomach and started pulling her a little so we could take a picture together and I was feeling so judged at that moment even though no one was judging me it's just that I'm so used to being judged that now I just judge myself and now most of the time I don't even face reality besides when I'm actually around people I normally pretend I'm living in someone else's life where they're actually happy and everything is going right in their life so most of the time I'm just in that world I mean like if I'm not going anywhere then every second of the day I'm pretending to be living in some alternate universe of like YouTubers mostly YouTubers I ship together like its that bad that I'm not evening wanting to live in my life like I would love to live in my life if I didn't have panic attacks at small things like going in an elevator or going in a car or just going someplace where there's a lot of people there or if everything was good in my life but it isn't
