Unconditional

03

I laid on my pallet just staring at the ceiling of the bare theater. It was always dark and cold in here. The smell was pure must and it made me feel like a caveman. But I never said anything, or questioned why we had to live this way. Back home in Oakland things were no better than what they were now. At least in Oakland we had a home we could stay in some nights. I miss my Uncle Tio. He was the only father-figure I had, and I looked up to him more than anybody. I wish we'd never left to come to L.A. but Kamryn had it made in her mind that we had better opportunity here. So I followed her. I always valued my sister's judgment because she's never been wrong. Her decisions always led to something good or beneficial for us. My music. That's what keeps me going and gives me hope. I write on a daily basis but I could never bring myself to say the words. No matter how hard I try they never come out. Nothing has came out in 3 years. Kamryn and Kieran were currently gone and I couldn't help but wonder where they were. I was worried, after all, they were this family's backbone and we'd be nothing without them. I mean, Kiyana and Kristina are a big help, but they're not the type to take on such a responsibility. I'm anemic, Klinton has a horrible immune system so he's always getting sick, and Kaylonie still has yet to be put in school. Now that I think about it the only ones that's gone to school were Kieran, Kamryn, and Kiyana. They barely graduated. Everything they know they've taught the rest of us.

My thoughts were cut short at the sound of her voice. Everyone but her and I were in deep sleeps. They were exhausted I could tell, that means they wouldn't wake up unless you shook them awake. Great for me.

"Kayton," she whispered. I was feeling weak because I didn't get my insulin on time this evening. I know Kamryn left it with her before she left, and I also know that she didn't give it to me on purpose. Moments like this I wish I could do it myself. I whimpered and tried to move my numbed limbs. I was weak and tired, but not to the point where my life was in danger. She knew that.

"Shh. Calm down, I'll make you feel better," she said slyly and began to straddle me. It was so dark I couldn't really see her face, but I knew she was smirking. Her fingers trailed down my chest until she reached the hem of my shirt. Tugging it over my head taking it off. I winced as she moved my arms because of how numb they were. And the bruises she gave me. She undressed herself before coming back to do the same to me. I felt the cold rush over my body as the last of my clothing was stripped from me unwillingly. She straddled me again and leaned down to place a kiss on my lips. I mustered enough strength in my weak body to turn my head before she could.

"Don't! Do that. I'm getting what I want, Kayton," she said pulling my face to hers and kissing me with unbearable force. Every night they're gone this happens. And I can never say anything about it. She stopped kissing me and positioned my manhood under her own private area. How many boys my age can say they're virginity was taken by their sister at 15? That she's the reason they stopped speaking?

Without warning she slammed herself onto me and I winced in pure pain. She was rough throughout it all, and I still never got used to it. She kept herself quiet so the others would stay sleep, and I cursed the heavens because it worked. I let my head fall to the side as she continued to pleasure herself. A lone tear escaped my eye and was soon followed by a thousand more.

"Stop crying, it makes you look like weak bitch," she barked at me moaning.

After a nonstop hour she collapsed on top of me. Breathing heavily she kissed my chin and pulled herself up. She cleaned me up with the wipes they'd bought earlier at Walmart, redressed me, and told me goodnight. Like she didn't just rape me. And like every other night I prayed my voice would return. I had so much to say. Did God not want me to speak? Did he want me to continue going through pain? Did he enjoy watching me suffer? I didn't know the answer to any of my questions, and I'm not sure I wanted to know either. The rest of the night I stayed awake letting my tears make streaks on my cheeks. My lungs hurt from the occasional cough, my stomach growled in hunger, I had a severe headache, and I couldn't move at all because of the pain in my body. I couldn't take it anymore, and soon enough my vision started blackening. I was fading and I was fine with it. I smiled as my eyes closed, a sign that I passed out.