Unconditional

04

They never came. It's been 2 months since I'd last seen Kamryn that night at the store, and I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about her everyday. Not just her but her siblings as well. I pray that they're okay all the time, it saddens me not knowing their whereabouts or if they need help. Although I only knew them for a short period of time, I felt an undeniable connection with them that my heart yearns for every moment they're away. My heart goes out to them completely. But, I couldn't let how I was feeling deter me from the task at hand. I still had a mixtape that needed to get done and my undivided attention was the key requirement in doing so.

I was currently at home, alone, in my room playing around with the beats and melodies Jahaan had sent me. I marked down a few that I was sure I wanted to use, but there were so many others I was torn between. Instead of dwelling on them I sparked up my 5th pre-rolled blunt and wrote to the beats I'd already picked. Idea after idea flooded my brain as I manifested them into stories and poetry one after another. Not ever will I make a track without a message being the center of it.

The room got cloudy thanks to the smoke and my forgetfulness to open a way for it to escape. I had the room light off making it a little dark, but had turned on a few light fixtures that gave off different colors and patterns. When I'm working the mood of the room means everything. I thought about past relationships, what I wanted in a relationship, failed friendships, all the people that doubted how far I'd make it, I thought about everything that's happened in my life so far. One song in particular made my thoughts drift back to Kamryn and her family. It was about my coming up and how people were doubting me, but it wasn't until I actually read what I wrote that made me smile.

"They didn't want me then,
They want me now,
Did not want me to win,
But now they're proud,
Now they're beggin' to get in,
They in the crowd,

Tell me how's it feel now?
Tell me how's it feel now,

Being low,
Yeah you a snake.
You puttin' on a show,
That Ricky Late.
And man I don't trip,
My life great.
But swallow that pride,
Tell me how's that shit taste.

Tell me how's that shit taste?
Yeah,
Tell me how's that shit.
Taste?
Tell me how's that shit,
Taste.

Bitch tell me how that--ha.

Only fam eatin' cause they starve with me,
And we all blowin' up cause they go hard for me,

Yeah the only way is up,
Y'all gon' ball with me,
Man the whole damn fam gon' touch the sky with me.

Touch the sky with me,
Touch the sky with me.
Man the whole damn fam gon' touch the sky with me.

Touch the sky with me,
Touch the sky with me.
Man the whole damn fam gon' touch the sky with me."

I didn't realize that I incorporated Kamryn's philosophy while I was writing, but when I read it I smiled because it fit perfectly. The song in general is for the haters, but I was definitely going to dedicate the hook to Kamryn. I mean, got to give the credit where it's due. It was 6pm by the time I decided to leave my lab in search of food to satisfy the munchies I had. I'd been in there for 15 hours. I plan to make this mixtape nothing short of perfect so working for hours without a break wasn't a problem for me. I looked in every cabinet until I found the strawberry poptarts I was looking for, then, my phone rang. Pulling it out of my pocket, I chewed my snack and cleared my throat before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lani, it's Gerald."

"Oh, hey, what's going on?" I asked taking another bite from my poptart. Gerald was another artist on the come up from my hometown, we've worked together before and the outcome was always great.