Just a Feeling

twenty five

KYLE'S POV

After being grounded for three weeks, I've found myself alone in my thoughts.

Deep thoughts.

I've been thinking about this whole "gay" thing.

It kinda makes sense...

When Bebe and I went out, I wasn't attracted to her at all.

I've never actually been attracted to any girl actually.

I've always thought, Well maybe it's because every girl at our school is ugly.

But this isn't the case.

I'm in love with my best friend and I'm terrified.

I have three main reasons why.

1) I'm jewish! Jews don't accept gays...

2) What if Stan finds out and hates me forever? He's obviously not gay...

3) WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL FINDS OUT? I don't wanna end up like Tweek and Craig.

This all has been roaming in my mind for weeks, and it's been quite noticeable that I'm thinking about something.

"Kyle, what's wrong? I know you're still angry at us about this whole 'grounding' thing but that's what being a parent is all about," My Mom tells me at dinner one night.

"Nothing," I simply lie.

"Oh yes there is tell us!"

I look at them back and forth and gulp, "Well I have this one friend...he thinks he's gay but he doesn't know it. I mean, he's attracted to his own friend for Christ sake! He keeps asking me for advice but I honestly don't know what to tell him. And he obviously can't tell his parents because they're really religious and--"

"Woah Kyle, calm down," my Dad tells me.

I take a deep breath and continue, "I just...I need advice...for my friend."

"Well I believe your friend needs to just let this all out. I mean he's already told you and you're really concerned but maybe just maybe needs to tell someone else," My mom suggests.

"But he doesn't know who to tell!" I say.

"He'll find someone," My dad says.

Who could I possibly tell, I say to myself.

After dinner, I sit in my room and stare at the ceiling and think about who to tell.

Kenny's good at keeping secrets but not that good.

Cartman -- hell no.

I should just scratch out Craig's whole group including Jimmy.

Kevin Stoley isn't a good listener at all...

Who's left?

I slowly raise up and a little innocent blonde boy comes in my head.

Butters.

I quickly dial his number and he picks up in the first ring.

"Well heya, Kyle," He says cheerfully.

"Butters, I need to tell you something that you cannot tell anyone..."

BUTTERS POV

"Butters, I need to tell you something that you cannot tell anyone..."

Oh jeez more secrets.

"Alrighty," I say.

"I'm so serious Butters. If you tell anyone -- and I mean anyone-- I'll kick your ass," Kyle says.

Oh god!

"O-Okay, Kyle I won't! I promise!"

There was a pause and he breathes out and says, "I'm in love with Stan..."

"Oh, really? I love him too!" I say.

"Wait, what?!" He says angrily.

"Yeah...I love everyone! This isn't much of a secret, Kyle...you're best friends, best friends should love each other forever!"

"No, asshole! I mean, I love him...like...more than friends..."

I stop to think, "Ohhhhh."

"Yeah," He says.

"Well, when did you find out that you're...gay..."

"I...I...I don't know," He says, "I just don't know what to do, I needed someone to tell and I figured that you're the only one that can do that so...uh...thanks for sorta listening," Kyle says.

"No problem. I'm not gay, but if you need any advice I'll be here Kyle!" I tell him.

"Thanks, dude," He says and the line goes dead.

I put my phone down and think, "Hm. So that's why he's always staring at him in the locker room."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I swear, Butters is always getting information thrown at him.

That's sorta like me in a way.

OMG MY BROTHER GOT A WHITE SHIRT AND PAINTED IT "I GAVE $1.00 TO END HUNGER"

I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD.

-Brooke