I Belong Here

Thighs

Murmurs, whispers. They're all the same.
You feel tears in your eyes.
And then you get that sickening drop in your stomach.
It's coming. The monster is awakening. It's grabbing a hold on your lungs, twisting them, limiting the oxygen drawn into them.
You body runs to a place, a dark corner, the bathroom.
Just somewhere where you wheeze and splutter for air. Begging and hoping that no one finds you, so you don't have to explain. So you don't have to try to get someone to understand.
Your wrist aches for the blade, and that makes you cry harder. Knowing that your body wants your mind to hurt itself, knowing that your body also now believes that that is all to help. The monster inside you growls and snarls until you obey. You pull out your scissors and lift up your shorts to show your scarred thigh, fresh wounds from previous days. Your still struggling to breathe as the blade runs deep and blood drips from the scratches. And then you hear someone call your name.