Servant of Lust

Chapter 12

A/N: Trigger warning for talking about substance abuse and non-consentional sex!

I don't remember how long I'm sitting on the floor in the bathroom. Although the floor isn't cold, thanks to underfloor heating, I'm shivering. I feel emotionally drained, unable to cry anymore. I just sit there and stare at the floor.

Scott hasn't come to get me. I sigh and bite the inside of my mouth hard just to feel something.

I think about our conversation, about what went wrong, what made me flip like that. Was it the fact that Scott cried? Or was it the way he looked at me when he found out. He was... shocked. Not disgusted, like I thought he would be, just shocked. But was that really the reason why I ran away? Was I really afraid of Scott being disgusted because of what I did in the past months? Did he mention any of that or is it my inner demons that tell me to feel like that? All of a sudden I don't know why I fled in the first place. Especially when my best friend was sitting in the living room, crying because of what happened to me.

My thoughts are totally chaotic right now and I'm not able to think clear. I get up slowly and unlock the door, going back to the living room slowly.

Back there I see an image I'll probably never forget. Scott motionless on the sofa, just like I left him. He had a small Rilakkuma plushy clutched tight and there were tear stains on his face.

"Scotty" I say quiet and hurry over towards him. I ignore the fact that my torso is still bare and bruised and throw my arms around him, pulling him close. He doesn't resist and rests his head on my shoulder as he starts crying all over again. I hold him and cry together with him.

They say that crying can be relieving at times. Right now I think that's true for Scott and me. It loosens the tension around us and makes me feel better. We stop once there are no tears left to share. I look up into his eyes, all puffy and red.

"You look horrible" I say jokingly, hoping that he'll joke back.

"So you think you look better, Mathilda? Use a mirror!"

I grin, feeling relieved as he winks at me. He reaches over to the table and rips a few tissues from the box, handing me one. We dry our tears and I take a deep breath.

"So..." I start unsure of what to do now.

"New coffee? And a snack maybe? Alex told me that you haven't eaten since early in the morning" Scott offers.

"Actually I could go for a whole meal. And fruits, if you've got some, that is. I definitely need to restock my vitamins" I answer.

"I've got apples, bananas, mangoes and everything. How about we order take out and prepare smoothies in the meantime for the vitamins?" Scott proposes. "I've been loving smoothies lately and you look like you'll need as much as possible. No offense"

I shake my head. "None taken. I know that I need to regain my strength."

Scott gets up and pulls me up with him. "Come on, let's start with the smoothies. Do you already know what you want to eat?"

"I don't know. I'd die for a pizza but I don't know if it's too much for my stomach, maybe? Maybe a small one with a salad on the side?"

"Pizza and a salad, it is. Both the way you used to have it?" He looks at me while typing into his phone.

"Yes."

Only seconds later he puts his phone back into his pocket and takes my hand. "Now for the smoothies..."

We go over to the kitchen together and start cutting up the fruits and throw them into the blender afterwards, adding just a tiny bit of yoghurt. I'm happy that I can actually do something to help.

Scott pours the finished drinks into two huge glasses and adds straws to them, handing me one afterwards. "Here you are."

"Thank you!" I take my glass and raise it. "To us, I think?"

Scott grins and raises his glass as well. "To us" he agrees. "Don't ever leave again, Mitchy!"

I shake my head. "I won't ." Our glasses clank and I take a sip of the fruity drink, savouring the taste. "That's heavenly."

Scott nods. "It is." He says before turning around to get back to the living room and getting comfortable on the sofa.

I grin and follow him, sitting down, as well. We enjoy our smoothies in a comfortable silence for a while until I really feel the need to say something.

"Scott. Don't you want to talk? Ask questions?"

He looks up at me. "I... I really want to know everything. But after what happened earlier I thought that a little bit of normalcy would be a good start." He sets down his glass and shrugs his shoulders. "But do you want to talk? I mean I want to know everything in order to help you. If you don't want to tell me, it's just fine but please allow Alex to do so. I need to know what you might feel like if there's a situation like earlier... I..."

I listen to him and stop him after a while by putting my hand on his. "It's ok Scotty. I asked because I want to talk if you want to know. Plus talking helps me coping with stuff."

Scott smiles at me and nods. "Okay... then... where do we start?"

I take a deep breath in and out. "Well, facts first, I think, then feelings? The latter might include more tears, though. And it's going to be a mess, because I'm a mess right now."

"Okay, facts first" Scott says.

I take that as a cue and start. "Well, obviously I fled from Los Angeles to Chicago because I couldn't take being here anymore. It was an irrational decision, if I think about it now, but well it happened. Life in Chicago was a blur. I was constantly high on something, If I wasn't high, I was at least drunk. Once I was out of money I got in debt with my dealers and well... I don't remember everything, to be honest. Someday, I don't know when and how a social worker found me and offered help. I was on like a cold turkey and I'd accepted anything that would make me feel better. To be honest I really don't remember much about the rehab in detail, it's all foggy. Probably for the best. After I was clean I started a new life. I got a small apartment and a job as a waiter. I planned on coming back here, soon. But one day, my dealer and his boss were at my door when I wanted to leave for my support group and well, I woke up in the brothel, because I couldn't pay my debts."

I stop right there and sip at my smoothie. My mouth is dry and I look down at my hands, knowing that what I just told was the easy part.

Scott puts a hand on my arm. "Take your time, Mitchy. You don't have to tell me everything."

I shake my head. I want to talk about it, need to do so. "I woke up in there and there was this girl, who was in the same situation than me and she told me everything about what I needed to do. Well and then there was the first client. I'll never forget the pain and humiliation. After all sex should be either fun or love or both. Not just a product you buy." I have a lump in my throat, now and stop for a short time for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Well, but this is was my life was like for the past three or four months. I stopped counting the days after a while." I glance up at Scott, not sure if I want to elaborate right now.

"I really want to say something helpful right now but I can't. I just want you to know that I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. Really, Mitch, I mean it" he says, utterly devastated. "If there's anything you need, just ask, alright?"

I nod automatically before deciding otherwise. "Scott, I don't know what I need right now. I..."

"What, Mitchy? You know I'd do anything for you!"

"I need someone who understands me. For goodness sake, I think I need James!"

~~~~~~~

A/N: Badambambam... 

Right now I really like writing on the train, to be honest. And I like the fact that more and more people are reading and voting. That means so much to me, thank you very very much. Hugs and kisses to all of you!