Broken Inside

Tuesday

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I tried to speak to Grace today. She got moved into my English and sat right next to me!! I mean, it was one of the only empty seats (the other being right next to the teachers desk, and no one in their right mind would sit near Mr Halliday). She smiled at me and said "Hey, I'm Grace. What have you done in this class so far? Have I missed a lot?"

I couldn't believe how beautiful she was, sitting next to her I could see how pretty her eyes were, brown with tiny flecks of hazel, or green I wasn't sure. Her hair was dyed blonde and her natural brown hair was starting to show at the roots but she pulled it off. How did she pull it off?!

"Huh?" She asked again. Fuck I hadn't answered, I was too captivated by her beauty.

"Oh yeah... Uhh. We've done some work on... Umm." I stammered and flicked through my folder, looking for my notes. I found some work on essay writing and I thrust it at her awkwardly.

"I'm Hannah." I said, only blushing a little.

"Well thanks, I'll copy this and give you it back tomorrow, yeah?" She asked.

I nodded and went back to my folder, pretending to sort it out so that there wasn't an awkward silence. I eventually plucked up the courage to say "Hey, you could chill with me at lunch and I could help you analyse the poetry..? If you don't that's cool... I just thought you..."

"That's great. I'll meet you in the library at 12:30?" She interrupted.

So that was that. I possibly had the makings of a friend! And then I fucked it up. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I met Grace in the library just as we arranged and things were going well. I quickly began to warm to her, and managed to stop stammering every time I spoke to her.

Things were going well but we didn't that much work, I mean who would? I gave grace the notes and we chatted for a while. It started off with English but soon escalated to "What is life?" and "How do we know we're not dreaming?"

It was only when Grace brought up Joe Sugg that the conversation started to go downhill. She spoke about how Joe was crushing on her, and we laughed about it but in reality I was broken. Grace was going to end up dating Joe, I knew it.

"He's such a dork but he's so funny" she giggled. "Although I don't like the way he speaks. Like when he makes a racist or rude comment." She sighed.

"What did he say? I'll get him for you" I joked, miming punching him.

"Oh... Nah it's cool, just when he says stuff about girls bodies or him touching my knee or whatever." She shrugged it off.

"That's not okay. You deserve way better." I shook my head.

"Who would you suggest?" She looked at me and my heart skipped a beat.

"Me?" It slipped out before I could stop it. "No, never mind... Uhh... I forgot, I have a thing... Bye." I stuttered, hastily grabbing my things and leaving the library, not looking to see Grace's reaction.

I'm such an idiot. Now she'll never speak to me again.