My Life & How I Came To Have Depression

Suddenly

So my mum was told she was clear but a bit after she was rushed into hospital unwell.

I had to cope weeks without her and I didn't know if she would survive this time. My dad wasn't feeding me and I had to make my own food - although I did learn a life lesson.
My mum returned home a bit unwell still but she had medication like always to help her. A couple of weeks later she was told they had found another lump. 

ALL THE CANCER WASN'T GONE!

That's when I started to know I was going into depression. I knew and didn't tell anyone. It was only like 2013 I was 11 I didn't know what I was talking about. I started to hate myself more, I started to blame myself for everything, I put lots if pressure on myself telling me that I wasn't good enough. I also had a older brother and sister who didn't make my life any better. I tried to look after my mum, I did. Like the first time I had to quit another one of my passions - gymnastics.

So the cancer was back but worse this time so she had to have her breast chopped off. I guess it was nice for her as her boobs used to be huge and she damaged her body wearing bras. Her boobs have been reduced and they're now smaller than mine and I'm so salty about that.

But I still smiled when I was with her and I tried to bring myself back up. Make myself better for her, I just couldn't do it. I never let her down and I tried to keep a smile on my face everyday.

My dad never made my life easy too, he was always angry and scared the living daylight out of me. He go angry at the smallest things and I was always scared of him, I pretended to love him while my sister reflected him. He always used to fat shame me which drilled into my self esteem and to this day I'm a size 14/16 and he tells me I'm obese and that I will never be loved if I don't lose weight.