into the wilderness - h.s.

thirty-three

{ Trees - Twenty-One Pilots }

please read the authors note at the end, it is very important.

Harry's POV

The snow was getting deeper the longer we stood there. but I didn't want to move. I wanted to continue watching her face, the way it watched mine, the way the snowflakes clung to her lashed and the way they melted on her warm skin.

But, if we didn't carry on, we would end up stuck in the snow with no where to go. I turned and continued walking the way we had started.

I had never lost feelings for Harper. Hell, I didn't even know I had them in the first place until she walked, no, charged through the door of that god forsaken sterile room. That was the moment I knew I loved her and knew that I had to get away from her. I needed to save her from me. I needed to save her from my past, my present, and my future.

Sometimes, when you love someone so much, you have to push them away. You end up telling yourself that it's for the best.

And hopefully, if that love is strong enough, they will make their way back into each others arms, where they rightfully belong.

I listened for the sound of her footsteps to indicate she was following me. They never came. All I heard was the silent that was all too loud. I could almost hear the snow as it fell, the loud thud I imagine it would make if I were an ant and it were a rock.

I turned and saw her standing there, under the lamp post, the fragments of the broken girl scattered around her. My heart broke.

I stomped back towards her, towards her small frame underneath the glow of the yellow street lamp.

"Harp-"

"Don't."

She held a gloved finger close to my lips, warning me not to say anything. If she thought that her derogatory gesture would stop me from giving her the world, then she was wrong.

"Harp-"

"Don't you dare call me Harp."

"Harp, Harper-; I swear to God the divorce was in the works before I even met you. Don't you remember all those phone calls I would receive and ignore?"

She stared at me blankly.

"Dammit they were from my lawyer! We were going through the finalization of the divorce, it had been in effect for months."

"Are you fucking kidding me. I still broke up your marriage, Harry. You were still a married man!"

"I was not-"

"Do not try to argue with me when this is how I feel. You lied to me, Harry!"

"Would you have still done it even if I told you the truth?"

"No! Yes. Maybe?" She looked up at me with uncertain fire in her eyes. "I don't know, okay? This is all happening to fast. This morning I was just Harper who had a co-worker named Gemma and I was helping her take care of her niece and I didn't know who the niece's father was!"

"Earlier you were completely fine that it was me and that I was here!" I wasn't sure what to think. When I passed her the note at breakfast she laughed about it, she even flirted! And now, it's as if she had caught bipolar disease in between here and my sister's apartment.

"I was in shock. I think I'm allowed to be in shock. And now, I'm in reality and I don't know what to think."

I didn't know what to say. I just looked at her. She shifted her gaze away from mine and was fixated on the snow at our feet. I didn't realize that I had shifted so close to her. I was so close that if I leaned in, even a little, I would be able to press my lips to her forehead. But I didn't. I held you ground and buried my desire.

After a while, I began to get frustrated with her silence. I was a human too for Christ's sake. Why was she the only one allowed to display emotions? Before I could say anything, she spoke.

"Why did you push me away, Harry?"

"I-"

"Why did you tell me to leave when you knew it was when I needed you the most?"

She still wouldn't let me get a word in.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Harp-"

"God, Harry, why didn't you at least explain ev-"

"Because I love you, God dammit!" I was so angry I hit the fence that surrounded one of the trees on the sidewalk.

"But-"

"Would you shut up? Would you shut the fuck up and listen to me for one goddammed second. Please. Just listen to me."

"But-"

I lunged forward and clasped my gloved hand over her mouth. I had had enough. I wanted to talk to her and to explain myself without her interrupting me every five seconds.

"No. Not this time."

She squirmed for a few moments and then relented. I kept my hand resting lightly over her mouth, just in case.

"I pushed you away because I didn't want to hurt you. I love you too much to see you hurt. I knew I needed to get my own life sorted before I even began to think about having one with you. I didn't want you to get involved in any of the custody battles that I knew I was going to have to fight. I didn't want you to get close to Charlotte because I didn't know if she would even be close to me any more. I just, God Harper, I wanted you to stay so bad. Giving you up that day was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I just knew I had to do it because I loved you too much to see you break."

And then, she said one sentence. And after that one sentence, I knew that everything was going to be OK.

"But Harry, I wouldn't have broken."

.

a/n : hello all. and goodbye.

it has been over a year since I have written on this book. for a while, I just completely forgot it existed. best author award goes to me. not.

I am writing this note on August 2, 2016, although I guess it would be the 3rd because it is now 12:03 am. I am getting ready to begin my senior year of high school.

I started writing for Harper and Harry in November of 2014. it's been almost two years.

over the last year, I have changed as a person, physically and mentally. as much as I loved exploring this world, it is a remnant of a much younger me, a me that likened to romance and the thought of being in love.

and so, Harper and Harry's story has come to a close. I would like to say thank you to two wonderful character. I could not have asked for better people as firsts.

I tried as well as I could to wrap up any loose end. if I left anything out, feel free to ask me, as I am not going away for good.

added: one last thankyou to my lovely readers who have loved these characters as much as I have.

and so, for the last time,

lje, love joanna emily

(did you guys even notice that I was putting lje at the end of every chapter? originally it was just so I knew I had edited it, but then it stuck. hahaha now you know)