Dream of Me

November 4

It was awkward on both sides, but that day I was filled with courage from both my dream-mother and real-father's words of affection and encouragement. I walked up to her a few minutes before class started again after lunch. She looked at me, for a second I thought she had the instinct to run, but she stayed and looked at my feet for most of the encounter. I realized at that moment that I had not planned anything in advance for what I would say or how I would ask or how I would even begin the conversation. I stared at her feet for a few seconds, trying to figure out what I would say. My father's advice came back to my mind briefly. Just ask. Okay.

"Hi, Irene."

"Hi."

"How are you? Today?"

"I'm okay." She looked back and forth from her feet to my feet, but a small grin was surfacing on her round face and I thought maybe I would have a chance.

"I have a joke for you."

"Okay."

"Um. Okay, what did the mushroom say to the fungus?"

"Uh, I don't know. What?"

"You're a fungi." She didn't laugh, but she didn't have to. And I didn't laugh either, because it was a terrible joke brought about by an inner sense of panic and wow-I-don't-have-anything-to-say-right-now.

"That's a pretty bad joke," she looked up at my face for the first time that I had ever remembered. I was about to agree with her, but she continued. "I think it's grammatically incorrect, technically, but I understand why it should be funny. It's just not to me. I don't really like jokes, but I like other things."

"What other things do you like?" I asked, surprised that she had spoken so many sentences in one breath, and directed at me, and while making direct eye contact. I couldn't believe it. Something was happening and she was coming out of her shell to actually talk to me.

"I like to sing, but usually only in my own room when no one is listening. And I like to write, I write poems. And sometimes I write stories but they're not as good as poems. What do you like?" The question came as another surprise and I was equally as shocked that I couldn't come up with an immediate answer. I stumbled around for a second, trying to remember what I had liked before recent events had taken over my mind.

"Well... I like science. I like science class most. And I like going on walks outside, even though it's cold right now. I like playing with my baby sister and pretending to bite her cheeks. I like listening to stories, too."

"I don't like science class. I'm doing badly in it. I like English class the most. Do you like English?"

"It's not my favourite, but it's okay. I don't really like reading stories from old people that have been dead for years and somehow someone decided that I should read them because they're what everyone should read to be smart."

"If you help me in science class, I'll help you in English class." I didn't need help in English class; even though I didn't like it, I still forced myself to read through the material and write the book reports and make the plot diagrams. I was getting an A in the class, and was about to tell her that I'm fine without her help, but I realized that it was an extension of friendship that she had the courage to make, and this was an opportunity to get to know her more. I wouldn't mind helping her in science, either.

"Okay, sure. That sounds like a good idea."

"Okay. See you in class." She walked away without looking back and a stood there smiling for a few moments until I realized that the loud noise I had heard was actually the bell and not my heart thumping. Grabbing my backpack and slamming my locker closed, I ran after her and took my place in the classroom. It was math class, and I realized neither of us had disclosed whether we liked it or not. I loved math almost as much as science because it had clear and arborescent ways to get the correct answer. With English, anything could be an answer and I never knew which was the right one. I thought about Irene's quiet speech just minutes ago, and realized in a heavy regret that I had completely forgotten to do what I had initially intended to do. But at least a door was opened, and she was willing to spend time with me. I decided to ask her tomorrow if she wanted to come to the science show with me.