Fake Sam

30. Sam: I'm not fake

30. Sam: I'm not fake

Well, I finally told someone about Andrew; and it feels way better than I had expected to have gotten that off my chest.

"So-o..." Logan brings on the awkwardness. Is this how all his conversations start?

I look at him when he's watching the houses to our left. Today he looks different. maybe his hair or something. I don't really know, but he looks nice.

"Hey, I got a question for you." He faces me and tells me.

I watch back at him to urge his question. "Well?"

"What do you want for your birthday? I was thinking instead of me buying you something and just wrapping it, we could go out Saturday and get some ice cream maybe, and also go shopping. Maybe you want clothes or some shoes..."

My stomach growls when he mentions food, but I wrap my arms around me and smile like nothings wrong.

"Hmmm.... That sounds nice. We should go downtown, and then we can just walk around until we find a place that I want to go to." I grin to him big.

He laughs. "Sounds alright to me."

We take a few steps in silence, and soon we reach my house. Logan turns to face me with his hands in his pockets.

He stretches the ends of his lips back and then talks, "Sam, I know you're trying hard to fit in, but for your birthday, could you please just be yourself. I haven't seen the real you, only this you. The fake you."

"What?" I don't know what he's trying to say.

"You never try to stand out, and all you want is to have a perfect image. Even though you don't really want to go out with Andrew, I know for a fact he's only been sitting around because you try too hard. You bleach your hair, you tan the life out of you, you starve yourself, and who knows what else you try to do. You're fake, Sam."

I feel tears come to me. "You don't even know how hard it is to be like this! You have it easy since you're new and you're a guy, but it's completely different when you're a girl. You wouldn't even know." I turn away so he doesn't see me. I know it's really cheesy to cry and all, but I feel tears. Before any can come out, I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, and sniff in, since the cold air is making my nose run.

I hear Logan's feet shuffle and he comes to in front of me.  "I know you don't want to hear that. But I just would like you to know that I think you would be beautiful no matter what you look like."

I look up, and I can tell he doesn't really mean it, since he looks away when he sees all my mascara running down my face.

"I'll talk to you later. Please, just think about it, kay?" He leaves me behind and goes to his house where he doesn't have to be around me; where the only way to hide me is pull the blinds down.

I watch him disappear into their tan home and I wait a minute to see if this is really a joke. But it's not, he doesn't come back.

Mom drives up the road and pulls in beside me. "Hey honey, what are you doing out here in the cold?" I look to her, "Why's all your make-up runny?"

"Nothing." I tell her, and run into the house. I don't need her meddling in my problems, she already would be on Logan's side, saying that I am pretty au natural. But the truth is, I'm not. I have brown hair, naturally. I have pale skin, blotched with scars, either from acne or scabs. And I already came this far to erase that image of me, there is no way I'm going back.

~

I lay down on my bed and pull out my iPhone.

Hmmm.... I click a few buttons and soon comes the voice of my only real friend right now.