Answer Me

Chapter 5

Have you ever had to deal with some bitchy - I had to use that word though I didn't want to curse - hot girls who changed boyfriends as much as she changed shoes and handbags? That was what you had to endure every time you meet that kind of female if you were not pretty enough and had a history of outspoken attitude with incredible talent in sarcasm. It might sound like typical high-school drama but it was the reality. This female species was one of the reasons of my super low self-esteem.

I loathed myself as much as I loathed her though.

I was walking to the library with my phone in my hand, my eyes stuck to it. One of my pride was I could walk without bumping to anything or anyone even without looking to what was in front of me. But one of the untamed species of female who was reckless enough to sashay through the whole day in 4-inches heels seemed to have poor eyesight and even poorer under the darkness of a pair of ridiculously expensive Gucci shades. She bumped into me from behind and my phone dropped to the floor. Screw it.

I gasped and clumsily picked up the phone. Bless my $5 phone case. The screen was safe and sound.

"Oh my God. Sorry." Fake pitiful tone. Perfect one.

Julie didn't help to pick it up anyway if you really thought she was really sorry. I could feel her feet inched closer to me when I was crouching to take my phone. Oh, nice shoes. I guess it must cost a Lamborghini.

"It's okay. No cracks, no worries." I fake-smiled at her as I stood up. "Well, pretty shoes you got there. Walmart?" I made my move before she started to brag. Her expression tensed. Her perfectly sketched eyebrows knitted with annoyance, her lips, applied with nude-colored lipstick which made her look like seriously ill, gaped wide in shock. Probably she was too gobsmacked by her ruined plan.

"Oh of course not." She let out a chuckle. Phony. "I rarely go to Walmart. How come I can buy my shoes there? Never mind then." Julie put a hand on my shoulder, her green eyes landed on my cheek. "Erin, seems like you need some kind of facial treatment. I can suggest you this one skin care product. I swear, it's so great but unfortunately, it's quite...expensive. But I can buy you the tester kit. You can pay me later." It was an indirect criticizing for my acne problem. Thank you, Julie. I appreciated that.

"Oh, I think I'm fine this way. I do have money anyway but, I spend it too much on buying songs on my phone to listen to make me feel better if there is any beauty freaks bump into me and indirectly talking bad about my face. Thanks anyway." I gave her a wry smile, patted her shoulder and then, sauntered away.

I didn't leave the scene with triumphant but, an irremediable woeful feeling boiling in my blood. How could I be among people with eyes that would always see me as an ugly creature? How could I stand those stares? I was too hideous until even other woman couldn't be able to accept me.

My heart ached. My head spun. My eyes watered. I quickened my face and quickly entered the nearest washroom. No one was there. My steps halted in front of the sink. The large mirror on the wall reflected me. I was looking at myself, an unseen ugly creature. I bit my lip so hard to stop the sobbing from escaping my mouth. However, my eyes wouldn't hide my feeling. The teardrops I had been holding back fell like waterfall. I turned away from the mirror, not wanting to see myself anymore.

And there I sat, by the sink against the coldness of the tiles, lamenting my self-hatred and sorrow by my tears.