Answer Me

Chapter 8

I had always had this one goal with Sam. I still dreamed for it to happen even though I had lost contact with Sam but, I hoped she still felt the same thing. We wanted to write a book together, travel the world to sign thousands of our books with our names and tell our readers our stories behind the story we wrote together. But now she wasn't here and I didn't want to write alone. I just didn't have the confidence of doing it.

I had always tried to sit down in front of my laptop to start writing. In the end, the blank page remained blank. Plain white without letters. At this moment, I was sitting in front of my laptop again, struggling to figure out a story to be written, a tale to be told, a memoir to be shared. I knew, always knew it, that nothing would fill the stiff whiteness. I just couldn't continue this dream without Sam. She was my confidante all this while and when she went away, she didn't realize that she took too much part of me with her. I didn't blame her for that. I was the one to blame for not being strong enough to tell my guts to stay with me.

My phone rang. Mom.

"Hello, Mom. You okay?"

"Fine. Oh dear, I had such a bad day today. Ugh," she whined.

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing. It's just... You know that moment when you can't do things all by yourself. I just feel that way. Nothing big. Sorry." She sounded tired. My mother was a single mother and she raised me alone since I was four. But back then, we had my grandparents to look over me while she was out working. She was a History teacher at a middle school. My grandpa, who was her confidante and strength all the time since my dad divorced her, died when I was 16 and since then, she had to do everything all by herself. My grandma wasn't capable enough to help her in everything so, she just let my grandma rest a lot.

"Mom, I know you're strong. You just have to be patient. In a few years, I'll graduate and we'll do it together, okay?" I regretted saying that because at some point, I knew the blank page in front of me would be covered in letters and punctuations, and it would be read by people all around the world. Only that I didn't know when would it be.

"I know, honey. That's why I don't really like you to study so far away from home. You know I only have you." Something trickled on my left cheek. Oh, a tear drop. I inhaled deeply, repelling myself from sobbing. She still couldn't accept my decision to further my studies which was hours away from our place.

"Just be patient, alright? I'll stay with you as soon as I graduate. Talk to you later. Bye." I didn't wait for her response. I immediately clicked the red button. I was wrecked. My emotions were wrecked. How I wished to spread my wings and fly with my dreams. But I couldn't.

Sometimes, the one that you love the most is the one who makes you can't go the furthest you can be.

At last, I lay down on my bed, just staring at the ceiling with Before You Exit's songs floating from my phone's speaker beside my head. I was about to close my eyes to indulge the most emotional part of Soldier when the chorus of Sweater Weather chimed from the speaker. It was a rare thing to have more than one caller in a day within half an hour.

Unknown caller again.

"Hello." Was it the same guy again?

"Hey. I'm the one who got the wrong number yesterday. Still remember?" Yes, it was.

"Yes. I remember you. Oh God, I'm so sorry for the rantings yesterday. You shouldn't hear that. Sorry. B-but, thanks. Thank you so much." I totally humiliated myself by sounding obviously clumsy on the phone.

"No problem. Just wanted to make sure that you're okay. Are you feeling okay today? Feeling much better?" he asked and it was so nice of him to ask.

"I'm good. Thanks for asking though." I lied. I did feel better but, only 1% better. Screw you, glasses with reflection.

"Ah, good to know that. I'm quite worried about you. But hey, if you want to share anything with me, I'll be all ears. Just call this number, okay?" What?

There was a moment of silence.

Then, he continued "I'm sorry if you feel scared. I swear I'm not some kind of stalker or psycho. It's just I can't stand knowing there's somebody out there, having problems all by herself to handle. So, if you feel like you're having a bad day, just ring me or text me, if you want to."

I didn't know what to say. This guy was a blessing. "I will. Thank you, um..."

"Call me Ry."

"R.I or R.Y?" Was that necessary to be asked.

"R.Y. The name's Ryan." I imagined Ryan Wheeler in my mind. Brief chuckles escaped my lips. That witty, sarcastic workout-addict Ryan. Funny guy. Luckily, this Ryan didn't hear that.

"Thank you so much, Ryan. You're a good man. I appreciate that." There was something in his voice that told me that his name wasn't Ryan. That he was hiding something. I was suspicious but, I was still sure that this guy was a very good guy.

"Hey, I got to go. Glad to know that you're all good. Talk to you later. Bye."

"Bye." I let him to be the one who pressed the red button.

This Ryan guy was a rather mild disturbance to my thoughts. He sounded like someone I knew but, I never met. His voice was familiar but, I couldn't guess who. The way he talked was like I had heard it somewhere. When he said his name, it was like he wasn't saying his own name.

Nonetheless, he seemed like a good person. Even though I didn't think I would call him to share my problems.

Let me keep them to myself.