Mistake #1

6|everything will be okay

*flashback*

I'm twelve and hyperventilating in the fetal position, Benji is two and doesn't understand but is crying because I am, and when I cry something must be wrong.

Dad is on another business trip and has no idea, about anything, we never see much of him anymore considering he is always working so mom is pretty much just raising two children alone... Well, not for long.

Last night mom was rushed to the emergency room, her lungs filled up with water and blood couldn't flow to some parts of her body.
Benji and I stayed over night but I couldn't sleep at all, afraid of losing the most Important person in my life, I sit in the corner of mums dark hospital room and I haven't moved from this spot.. Neither has mom moved from hers, she still had yet to wake up and it was worrying me.

I couldn't see her bright smile or the way the corners of her eyes crinkle when she laughs at my jokes, she always said I had the best sense of humour of anyone she knew.

The doctors are trying to figure out what caused this, and so suddenly. I feel myself starting to drift off to the beeps of the heart monitor. It calms me, listening to her heart beat, I knew she was okay... Well, for now.
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I wake up still the the position I fell asleep in, back against the wall and hugging my knees to my chest. Then I realize that moms bed is not in the room and I instantly start breathing heavy and fiddle with the charms on mums bracelet.

I stand up and walk out the door, down the long, gloomy hallway, and look at the lady at the front desk. She looks like she is in her late 50s with light brown hair with gray streaks, very miserable looking with a permanent scowl on her face.

"Do you know where my mom is?" I ask, she doesn't even look up at me "name?" She responds in a mono tone "Ryanz with a Z" I reply. Again not looking up from her computer she says "emergency surgery room" with no hint of emotion.

"WHAT?! Do you know why?" With out hesitation she just states "no" and finally looked up to me, but only to give me a pointed look as if saying 'now run along' so I slowly back away noticing I overstayed my visit.

I head back to mums room, I see Benji still asleep laying across the 3 plastic chairs in the room and I start pacing, my brain coming up with all the worst possible outcomes and worrying myself so much I quickly run to the bathroom across the hall and splash some cold water on my face to snap me out of it.

I go back to the room and see Benji is still sleeping so instead of disturbing him I go to the hospital cafeteria and get two yogurts and two apples, one each for Benji and I when he wakes up.

I take a seat at one of the empty tables and just let out all my feelings, after a good 2 minutes a little girl about 4 with a pink sundress and long blond pigtails walks up to me.

"Why are you crying?" She asked in the cutest little voice "oh uh" I sniffle "my mum is sick and I'm just worried about her" I respond not really wanting to think about it at the moment "my daddy was in a car crash" she simply states, not understanding what is really wrong with her poor father.

I give her a sad smile and she hugs me, whispers "everything will be okay"
but will it really.
A woman that looks just like an older version of the girl walks over "Hanna there you are, what have I told you about talking to strangers?"She scolded.

Hanna looks down and mumbles "not to" " that's right" the lady says, she notices me and apologizes "I'm so sorry if my sister was bothering you" "oh no, not a bother what so ever" I ensure her giving Hanna a small smile and she puts her hands behind her back rocking back and forth on her heals and giggles.
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I'm back in the room now and as I close the door Benji eyes blink open and smiles when he sees me. I hand him his apple and yogurt and we eat in silence, neither of us quite sure what to say.

As I'm finishing up a tall doctor with dark skin and buzzed hair cut, holding a clipboard walks in. Once his dark brown eyes land on us they soften and he says "would you please come follow me"

I stand and carry Benji on my hip as we walk into this room with x-rays and a glass window that looks into another room.

Mom.

She is hooked up to plenty of tubes and cords, her cheeks hollowed in and she is very pale, she doesn't have her normal glow about her and it hurts to see her like this.

Benji hides his face in my shoulder and I feel it become wet with tears, I rub his back and look to the doctor who starts pointing at X-Rays and charts. "Here is a chart of your mothers body, everywhere you see a red dot is...

Cancer"

I freeze. Cancer. It keeps Echoing in my head.
It is not until I really look at the chart that those echoes turn into screams.

Most of the chart is red.
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That night mom wakes up and I am aloud to visit her.
"Mom?" My voice cracks from crying
"Yes my beautiful" her voice comes out quiet and scratchy, not like the strong mother I know.

I crack and drop to my knees gripping her hand, but making sure not to hurt her because she is fragile. "No no dear don't cry for me, everything will be okay"
I can barley hear her voice comes out in whispers and I can tell it takes much energy for her to speak.

"I just love you so much and I worry mum"
I don't get a response.

Her eyes start to slowly close and the heart monitor goes flat.

I hear ringing

I think I'm screaming but I don't hear, just the sound off my heart beating through my ears.

Doctors come spilling into the room and it all feels in slow motion.
A nurse has to carry me out of the room and as she pulls me away from my mother
my hand slowly lets go from her cold limp one.

And she's gone.