Sometimes I just want to give up
To surrender to the dark thoughts and let them overcome me
To let them spread and overtake what’s left of humanity inside me
Longing for the feeling of numbness
Desperately trying to be free
But feel like I'm stuck in between two worlds
I don’t want to feel
I don’t want to hurt
I don’t want to be happy
I don’t want to laugh
Because it hurts me more
But I must fight
For a reason I’m not too sure about myself
But I dare not look into it.
Too scared I might come up with nothing and left feeling even more lost
Wondering
Questioning
Everything
This world so weird to me
Even after my existence for many years
And yet, everyday it manages to leave me with more questions unanswered
How?
A lost soul in a world so big
Without no guidance
Too far away from home
What is home?
Longing the feeling of peace
Desperately trying to reach for it
But what is peace?
Could it feel better than being numb?
Numb to this world
Numb to anything
Better?
Is there even such thing
Anything
What is it to feel alive?
Can your heart beat even though you don’t feel alive?
Alive?
To be classified alive means to have a beating heart
To breathe
To live
Live?
Life?
Usually defined as Journey
Journey being a distance travelled through the course of time
What if travel wasn’t involved?
Not moving from a place to another
Stuck in a deep dark hole
Watching others pass by you unnoticed
Too deep to scream out for help
Help?
Help means to give aid, save or rescue
Save?
From what
Myself?
Do I need to be rescued from myself?
Is it wrong to just want nothing?
Will there ever be a ‘happily ever after’?
Is it so wrong to long for that feeling?
Does it even exist?
Am I being selfish?
Who am I ?
Am I even anyone ?
Anything?
