Runnin (mgk fan fic)

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday...

Ana---
Now that everything was worked out, it was time for me to go back home. I promised that i would visit Houston more often, i will come for every birthday, holiday and the first week of every month if they would like me to. It's been years since the tragedy happened, it was time to let go of the past and move forward. But before I do that, I had to make a quick stop.

Nobody knew that I was here and nobody knows who I came to do. I did some research on were I could find him. Cesar was friends to many and they loved him so, they took care of the funeral arrangements. The headstone was still covered in roses, people still visit his grave and im happy that someone cared enough to do that.

I stand in front of his grave, " Cesar Royal, beloved friend and brother. Gone but never forgotten." it read. Beloved brother, whomever decided to write that I hoped he meant it because I witnessed his own brother kill him.

I bite my lip of that memory, oh God why did i come here i didn't have to!
But I did have to let go.
Here I am Cesar, standing in front of your grave for the first time and it doesn't even feel real. I don't want to admit that you are dead and that you're laying in a box in the ground but you are. You are and it makes my heart feel like stone. So heavy and stiff that it can't pass a beat because it hurts too much knowing your gone. And it has felt that way for years. I have never stopped thinking about you or have i ever stopped loving you. You are my first love Cesar and nothing can change that. But I have to change. I don't want to hurt anymore though I know it still will, I just wanted to say goodbye. I realize now that i never had the chance to say goodbye to you really.

I reach into my pocket and fetch out the star necklace he gave to me after my first show.

I wanted to give this back to you...

I dig a small hole infront of his grave and place the necklace there. I walked away and got in to the car my dad let me borrow. I sit there for a moment, just frozen in my actions. Suddenly a loud gasp escapes my mouth and I bawl. I cry and i sob and i yell and hit the steering wheel in fustration.

I open the door and run to his grave kneeling.  " I will always love you. I just hope you forgive me for not doing what you said you wanted me to do, for what you died for. Why the hell did you have to die for me! I could'vYou will always be a part of me Cesar, but now its time I look to build other parts, right?" I sigh, I kiss my two fingers and then press them on his stone. " Im not saying goodbye to you because i know you will cross my mind everytime, but I am saying goodbye to the past that has held me back, i am saying goodbye to my broken heart and im saying goodbye to the life we could've had because i cant hold on to that fantasy anymore. So goodbye my dear Cesar. Goodbye."
I slide into the car and turn the engine on, drive down the curvy road and watch as his grave goes further and further away from my side mirror.