My Confessions.

Chapter 1 - My Confessions

My confessions - Jacky Smith

1. I'm terrified, I keep running from it, but I know one day, it'll catch up to me.

2. He doesn't care about me . It's like I don't exist. I've been abandoned.

3. I miss her, I wonder how different things would've have been.

4. I see him all the time, everywhere I go, everything I do , it all links him to my thoughts.

5. Everything, it's all my entire fault and I'm going to have to live with it all for the rest of my life.

     -"Alright, time is up students! Just like I told you before, roll up your papers, place them close to the fire and then find any spot nearby and release the ashes into the wind. You confessions are all safe with Mother Nature, where they'll never be found." Said Miss Luna, or as I like to call her, Miss Lunatic. She's the guidance counselor at the hellhole people refer to as North Western high school, and she has clearly lost any traces of sanity.

     Every week she gathers all the students that she believes are dealing with a "inner war" or are "Struggling with themselves" as she likes to put it. I'm Jacky Smith by the way, a junior at North Western high, and unfortunately I'm one of her victims. We get together every Wednesday during Free period and discuss what she has planned for the following weekend. We usually spend one day of the weekend with her,"Relieving the stress of the previous week and getting emotionally and mentally prepared for the coming week." Isn't there some law against being forced to throw one full day of your weekend down the drain and spend it with a psycho teacher and a bunch of other "unstable" students? If not, I'm going to protest.

This week she planned a "Bonfire, full of fun activities that will help lift some weight off of our shoulders" Yeah sure, whatever floats your boat Miss Lunatic.

     "Jacky! Please follow my instructions, it's for your own good. You will feel better once you release all your anger and worries into the wind ,child. Let mother nature  help you and she will not  let you down. Let her take care of all your troubles and worries. " She said in a calm tone, to calm for my liking, and snapped me back to reality. There she goes again talking like the psycho she is. I mean why couldn't she just simply tell me to pay attention? She doesn't need to go into all this spiritual crap. I carelessly shrugged and unenthusiastically started to do whatever all the others were doing.

     This time her idea didn't seem half bad. Writing things down seemed to help me sometimes, and since it's guaranteed that no one is going to find out the confessions that I've written, why not? For months she has been trying to convince me to open up to her. She believes that there is a reason behind my rude and edgy attitude. She's right, there are many reasons, but she is most definitely a nutcase if she actually thinks I'm going to tell her any of those reasons.

     I have to admit, burning the paper felt good and so did releasing it into the wind. I mean, sometimes, I'm going to crack. Sometimes it's just too much to handle.The pain. The hurt. The memories.Everything, it's all just slowly killing me. But then I remember the consequences, and the torture, and I realise that I can't. I just can't. So I put on my poker face, and continue to act like the strong person I'm supposed to be.

     I made sure that my confessions weren't clear or straight forward just in case anyone looked over my shoulder while I was writing them or if someone followed me into the woods while I released the ashes and tried to put the little unburned pieces together. You' be gobsmacked by the amount of nosy people nowadays, always digging in someone else's business. I know, I'm really paranoid, but I just can't risk it. Better safe than sorry, right?

     That's a lesson I learned the hard way.