My Confessions.

Chapter 2 - Daddy's Little Girl

Wohoo.. i think this is the longest chapter i have ever written :O Sad, I know.

 And i feel like the song fits the chapter ... so yeah:P

Anyways, Leaving a comment would make my day, so please? (A)

Enjoy xx

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     After the bonfire we all head home and the rest of the weekend was just as uneventful as all my other days. When Monday morning came around, I had to force myself to get out of my warm bed and get going to school. After much effort and force, I made it to school and into my first class. You can probably guess my feelings towards North Western high by now. I don't like the school, I don't like the people, I don't like the teachers and I don't like the classes... I don't like anything about it. Just 8 hours of boredom and constantly being alert in case anyone tried any funny business. But most of my classmates know that if you mess with me, I won't hesitate to kick you where the sun don't shine. So it's all good !

     You'll usually find me sitting in the corner at the back of the classroom with my bag occupying the seat beside me. People don't tend to like my sour and unfriendly attitude so they stay away, and I most definitely don't mind. I actually prefer to keep it that way, keeping a distance from everyone and everything unless necessary. So you can imagine my surprise when none other than Liam Star, The Liam Star, pulled up the seat next to me and asked if it was vacant. Liam Star is your typical stereo type kind of jock; blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty well built due to him being the school's quarterback. Of course he's the most popular and wanted guy in the history of North Western high. Didn't see that one comin' now did you? Note sarcasm. His goal in high school is to make everyone's life more miserable and harder than it already is. Everyone who isn't on the football team or a blonde, slutty, bimbo that is.

"Is this seat taken?" he said innocently with a million dollar smile on his face, a smile that would make any other girl weak in the knees.

     Is this some kind of joke? He has got to be kidding me. We've know each other for about 6 years And we may have started off as good friends, but that friendship is long gone.We're pretty much strangers now. 

"Yes it is." I replied trying to make this conversation as short as possible.

"Really? By who? Cause if I remember correctly, you've been sitting here alone all semester" He said with a smirk plastered on his face. Oh how badly I wanted to slap that smirk off.

"Look Liam what exactly do you want? If you're here to piss me off or insult me, I'll make sure to hit you so hard, you'll be bruised for the rest of your life. We all know you don't want to sit next to me for the sake of it, so spare me the crap. " I said as harshly as i could.

"Jeez, I just wanted to sit by an old pal of mine. No harm there. You used to be friendly and considerate Jacky .What happened to you? You've become so bitter, bad-tempered and offensive. What happened to you? "

"Well people change Liam. I have my reasons. It's really none of your darn business. Now for the last time, Yes this seat is taken and class is about to begin, so you might as well find another seat."I replied harshly.

As if on cue, Mr. Berham walked in with a "Good Morning class. Mr. Star please take a seat."

Liam walked away, a frown clear on his face, and muttered something like "You're impossible to deal with, completely hopeless."

The rest of the day was pretty dull and ordinary. No one crossed my path and vice versa.

     As I entered my house I was welcomed by the oh so familiar silence and stillness that I have gotten used to after all these years. It may be every teenager's fantasy to live alone and be able to do whatever you want, but it sure as hell isn't mine. I don't literally live alone, my dad comes around once or twice every two weeks, but that's about it.

     I usually prefer to be alone and not bugged by anyone, but that doesn't mean I enjoy feeling lonely. It's not that I'm scared or anything, but constantly being alone gives me time to think. Which never ends well. Thinking leads to remembering which leads to grief, heartache and hurting which always ends in tears. I've cried myself to sleep for countless nights and that's when I'm most grateful for my dad's rare appearance. I hate letting anyone see me cry because I look weak, fragile and helpless. Being powerless and frail makes it easier for people to take advantage of you, and to crush you. Another one of life's lessons that I learned the painful way.

     After finishing my homework, I watched some TV. Just like every other day, I found myself spacing out, not really caring what Iw as watching. I started thinking about the future, the present and most importantly the past. I tried to divert my thoughts, but failed miserably.Eventually, I decided to cook myself something to eat, to get my mind off things for a while. I expected my dad to hire a cook or a maid of some sort to take care of me during his absence.Not that I need taking care of,definitely not. But I thought he would want to make sure I'm alright and have everything I need. Nope. Nothing of that sort. Since he's too busy working and then drinking until he passes out, he barely has time to think of me and whether I'm surviving or not.

     News flash daddy dear, depositing money into my bank account every month isn't the proper way to raise a daughter. Especially not a teenage daughter. Doesn't he know that need him more than anything? He isn't the only one suffering and he knows it.I feel just as broken as he does, if not worse. He's just too selfish to do anything about it. I used to watch him breakdown and I was expected to stay strong. I was furious at first, because aren't the roles supposed to be the other way round? What about when I'm breaking down? When I needed someone there to comfort me? But that didn't matter. Nothing about me has matter for a really long time.

Whoever said time heals all, clearly hasn't been in my shoes.