Where The Stars Take You (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Nine: Lupus

Chapter Nine: Lupus

Welcome those big, sticky, complicated problems. In them are your most powerful opportunities.

Ralph Marston

As I told Lyra the "good" news, it finally dawned on me that I am trapped in this relationship with Atlas. There are no humans to run off to hide with. There is nowhere to go, I'm just here. I'm stuck here, but I don't want my baby to suffer.

My baby. It sounds so weird to say. I have an entire life in my hands. In three and a half months, I will have a child. I think about running away, but then I realize I'll lower my chances of surviving even further if I run. Anyone who finds me will either return me or kill me on sight.

Then I realize something even scarier. I want this baby with Atlas. I couldn't imagine a baby with anyone else. I know it's unethical and wrong to love someone who treats you like poop, but for some strange reason I do.

I also know that he's not happy about this baby even though it's his fault the baby is coming. He's angry that I wasn't more careful, but I never initiated sex with him once in these last two weeks. I don't enjoy or like sex. With this logic, it is indeed completely Atlas' fault that I'm pregnant.

A sub pregnancy is really weird. I am not looking forward to it. I have always had a womb like a female, but I also have a penis, so I'll experience all the normal pregnancy pains such as sickness, cravings, discharge, etc. But in addition to normal pregnancy woes, I will also experience the pain of my birth whole forming. At the end of the four months of pregnancy, I will have an extra whole to push the baby out, and then the doctors will stitch it up, and it'll close until my next pregnancy. It's weird.

"Hello, Lupus," a voice brings me out of my inner monologue and thoughts.

"Hey, Atlas. How was your day?" I ask, hoping for once that he won't just flop down and ignore me. I want to talk to my mate.

"Long." I guess that didn't work.

"Did you want to see the picture of the pup? They already know the gender even though the color won't come in for another month." Medical technology has advanced a lot since the humans have stopped holding us back. We can now know the gender and fur color before birth. We also can determine gender much earlier, and it is a lot more accurate.

"What we having?" Atlas asks.

"The doctor says it's a little girl," I say excitedly.

"So you're telling me, you not only got yourself pregnant, but aren't giving me an heir either?" He says angry.

"I didn't choose the gender!" I say angrily. I'm sick of his bullshit.

You're not easy to love

You're not easy to love, no

You're not easy to love

You're not easy to love, no

"Don't raise your voice at me, you little shit," he yells.

"All you do is bitch and complain about everything. I'm fed up! You think I wanted a baby. Hell, I didn't even want to have sex with you!" I scream back.

Why is everything with you so complicated

Why do you make it hard to love you

Oh I hate it

'Cause if you really wanna be alone

I will throw my hands up 'Cause baby I tried

But everything with you is so complicated

Oh why

"What?" he asks.

"You heard me. Do you not know how much I'm hurting? I'm going to have a baby with someone who I love, but doesn't love me back. And if he does, then he sure has a hell of a way of showing it. I definitely didn't choose anything, because if I had a choice I wouldn't have a baby at all." I start to cry.

Sometimes I get you

Sometimes I don't understand

Sometimes I love you

Sometimes it's you I can't stand

Sometimes I wanna hug you

Sometimes I wanna push you away

Most times I wanna kiss you

Other times punch you in the face

"This is just so complicated." I say through the tears.

He pulls me into his arms, and whispers apologies.

'Cause every minute you start switching up

And you say things like you don't give a fuck

Then I say I'm through with you

Take my heart from you

And you come running after me and baby I'm back with you

"I do love you," he says.

"You sure have a shitty way of showing it, and I know tomorrow this conversation will mean nothing to you."

"I know," he replies, and I curl tighter into his arms. In this moment, I feel protected. I know it won't matter tomorrow, but I'm going to enjoy this while I can.

I'ma stick around just a little while longer

Just to make sure that you're really sure

You like sleeping alone

I'ma stick around just a little while longer

Just to make sure that you're really sure

You like sleeping alone

I am going to get my little girl out of here.

Fuck, Atlas.

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