Losing My Mind

Gabe is becoming increasingly controlling an its becoming harder to be myself. I ran in my room and turned on Black Veil Brides- In The End after Gabe yelled at me for my cell bill. It was hard to hide things from Gabe, he was such a good brother, I could always trust him, I always told him what I couldn't tell my parents. It was fun to live with Gabe, my parents weren't doing so well and the judge said the chaos wasnt good for me and asked Gabe if I could live with him. My mom has calmed down though and she even remarried, one of my closer friends' dad. I was surprised, but I thought it would be cool to have Jack as a brother. I laughed when I saw Kellin walk into a fence as I was writing in my notebook. Kellin came over a lot to practice with my brother and the rest of the band. Sleeping With Sirens, their band, is the first band I ever liked. I knew it was my brother'a band but I never thought of it as anything else, until my cousin made me listen to one of their songs. Then I kind of fell in love with the music. I told my brother I liked his music and that's how we bonded and we became very close, it was the first time I felt like I had someone i could trust. My brother was always that burden in my life who listens to devil worshipers, then I actually started listening to the lyrics and I realized that its not demonic nonsense, it's art, emotion, life. I started shopping at Hot Topic instead of Forever 21. Then my brother moved out an got a place of his own and he went on tour, and it was hard to deal with stuff when my brother wasn't there. I fell in love with music. Things were pretty complicated without my brother, I got bullied a lot for liking music that was different, and I didn't have my brother there to give me advice. Then my parents split up, and things got dangerous, that's when the judge awarded Gabe soul custody. I'm a lot happier living with my brother, and Dora accepts my music, she hates it (except for certain blood on the dance floor songs) but she doesn't care. That's all I want in a friend, she's the only one I trust, besides our other friend, Jordan, she calls him Diego along with a lot of the school, but I just stick to calling him Jordan. Jordan is always there too, I never told him my brother was Gabe Barham though, not that he would care, he's not the type. He's cool, I trust him with my life, because he has saved it. I got really depressed when my parents were getting a divorce, because they were telling me Im not good enough and blaming me. Gabe wants me to date someone like Jordan, I want to date Kellin, and Jordan wants me to date this kid at our school. I'm just glad Im dating Kellin and not Jordan, Jordan is more like a brother, not a boyfriend. I'm a little depressed, I'm really gonna miss Kellin, he is my happiness. Kellin asked me if I wanted to date any band member in the world. I told him maybe Andy Biersack, Dahvie Vanity, and maybe even Drake Christofer. He laughed and kissed me. I dont know what to do with my life right now.