Worth a Man

Prologue

"Mom I'm home!"

I shouted out my excitement to see her again in her colorful apron that she sewed by her own while I was still in her womb.I remembered the day she told me that she wished to bake me treats everyday when I got home from school,she would tell me oftenly how special and delicious her baked goods were.

"I'm over here sweetheart!"

She waved out from the kitchen while she held a baking tray on the other hand.I threw down my heavy schoolbag by the edge of the sofa and ran quick as though the freshly baked goods would melt anytime.

I stopped at the kitchen's doorstep and was captivated with the scent of delish almond cookies.She smiled at me and welcomed me with a warm hug and a huge grin.

"How's school?"She whispered to me while she was unbuttoning my sweater.

"Practically annoying,it's always the same"I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms like a teen.

"Anyways,I've baked something for you!"

"Let me guess...almond cookies?"

She chuckled at me and dumped my sweater on the chair next to us."You were ever good at guessing my love!"she said and kissed my forehead.

I headed to my favorite spot of the table facing away from the wall and sat clumsily.I observed how my mother prepared the steaming hot cookies as well as the glass of fresh milk that I used to drink along while eating.After a while,she landed a plate of towering cookies right in front of me,I felt like I was in a restaurant being served by a waiter that was dressed in dusters by that moment.

"Eat well!"She smiled at me.

I started munching on one of the cookies while my mother observed how I snacked and chewed on it..."Those are the last cookies",she spoke all of a sudden in a weird sobbing voice,and I felt puzzled at what she just said.But as I was eating,the glass of milk spilled on my dress making me awake from my sleep.

It was just a dream...

I told myself dolefully.

After a while,I figured out what happened.The glass of water that my bedmate used to put on the wooden nightstand spilled on my blanket while I was asleep,probably after I switched from my position on the bed.

I sat up and glanced at my bedmate who was comfortably snuggled next to me,and I thought that it wasn't my fault that the glass of water spilled on me.It was discomforting and at the same time annoying to have a bedmate who slept like she owned the bed by herself at the first place.Besides,it also wasn't my fault that I ended up living in an orphanage with selfish kids and bitter housekeepers.I stood up from our bed before I got far more annoyed with my thoughts and with everyone.

I tried to glance at the clock and check what time of the night it was but I can't make it out through the dark,I didn't want to switch the light on as well because it could desturb all my other roommates awake.

After a while,I decided to get out of the room and sleep somewhere else.I grabbed my blanket and pillow and dragged them out of the room.I made it out on the hallway and finally felt relieved to be in wide space again.I looked left and right to see if anyone would see me and after assuring that nobody else was awake,I crampled my thick blanket and carried it away along with my pillow to the visitor's lounge.

The lounge was far more comfortable to sleep in than in one of the orphanage's bedrooms,I figured it out when I first came to the orphanage and sat on one of the couches.I could say that they spent more money on buying softer couches than on buying softer beds for the children.

I walked barefooted on the hallway in the middle of the night.As I glanced on every window I passed,I overlooked and guessed that it was 2:00 in the morning.I felt frightened while I walked alone in the dark hallway but I somehow was eager to find a good spot to sleep in.

I finally reached the visitor's lounge and with my luck,the door was open.

I snuggled and tried to sleep on one of the couches while I thought about the dream I had a moment ago and how I missed my mother so much.

My mom was all I ever had in my life,she strived hard to be able to feed me and support my education since my father left us during my mother's pregnancy.After knowing all those stuff,I felt great anger on him and gave pity to ourselves.

As I thought of my past I remembered why I was here,and how my mother was brutally slayed and also said to be raped by unknown men.I recalled how I hated everyone that day including myself.It was real hard to accept your own mother's death at the age of five,it was no joke since I never knew who my relatives where and who else would take good care of me.

After all the thoughts,I couldn't help but cry out my pain and my hatred for men.I clenched my blanket and pillow and snuggled even more in it.In that way I felt better,I revived the memories it both cherished and how my mother sew my own blanket and pillow because she couldn't afford to buy both.

I missed her...and there was never a day I didn't curse my father,he was the reason why I felt all this pain at a young age and he was also the reason why she died.I've always thought that if only he was there,he would be able to defend her from those scumbags...but it never happened.

But thankfully,the experience made me strong,the pain made me tough,and the thoughts made me smart.I remembered the day my mom told me that I was a smart kid and that I could live without anybody's help...but everything she said became exactly the opposite,it was the reason why I never trusted words.

*sigh*story of my life...