Trapped in the Abyss

Frustration

Slenderman

As more went time by I was learning more and more about this human. I was learning how to treat her and how to behave around her, but more importantly I was learning more about her. I wanted to be better for her. This human meant everything to me. Which reminds me, I must stop referring to her as human. She has a name and a beautiful name it was. However I was still finding it difficult to be so intimate with her. We had already engaged in intercourse so I was rather surprised at myself when I couldn't repeat those three words after I had initially said them. I meant what I said but it only made things worse. Now that I had verbally stated how I felt I was obligated to demonstrate it. It was not that I had a problem with this. I loved spending time with her. It was my favorite thing to do, but I was terrible at voicing it. I could not share how I felt if I did not recognize what I felt to begin with. I had long since fallen into the habit of being oblivious to my very existence but with this human, no with Sarah, this became impossible. She made me feel in so many different ways that I couldn't possibly ignore it and I've actually tried. That was a huge failure. I did love her but ever since I had told her it became even more difficult to show it. I know she understood how I felt and now that I told her that she was content enough but I also understood that eventually she would crave more, more that I could not give. After all, she was only human and that is what frightened me the most. She was so fragile, so easily breakable. So full of emotions that affected me gravely. It is not that I did not enjoy these feelings but I just did not know how to respond to them. In the past they had caused me to harm her and I was forced to look at her wounds everyday. Everytime I had checked on her and treated her injuries I saw every scratch, bruise, cut, and mark that I had created. I sensed her pain when she moved. I saw the pain clearly on her face, although she tried to conceal it. She cared so much. I did love her and but now that I said it there was no going back. I had accepted it and now I was utterly terrified of what I was capable of, but I could not stand another moment without her. I was being selfish. I was endangering her just because I was too weak to handle being away from her. As a result, I was being as cautious as was possible. I gave her what she wanted, what I wanted. I kissed her and touched her gently. I could handle that. This was not the problem. The problem was that she was beginning to get frustrated with me. It has been a few weeks since that day that we said those words to each other. Possibly a month, I am never quite sure with time. I began to feel her frustration recently. Whenever I was being careful with her is when I felt it most. She was keeping quiet out of fear that I would leave again. This only added on to my guilt. A previous event had caused her sadness. A few days ago she had attempted to instigate intercourse with me, something I found especially difficult to deny. We had been in the kitchen, she was sitting on the counter where I had set her. While we had been kissing she had hooked her legs around me, pressing out bodies together. I felt her arousal as well as my own. I had almost lost it until I reacted just in time. She had reached down and attempted to touch my evident erection, but I caught her hand before she could touch me, earning a gasp. In that moment I felt her anger, frustration, and later on that same night I felt her sadness as she cried herself to sleep. I felt terrible but there was nothing I could do. I wanted her just as badly. It was becoming harder for her to be patient and harder for me to resist. There was so much that could go wrong again. Often times I would get angry with her and myself. Simply because she was making this extremely difficult. At first it wasn't her fault that she affected me in this way, it was hard enough controlling myself when she behaved, but when she tempted me it became very difficult to behave myself. She would often try arousing me and often she would succeed, adding on to my struggle. My biggest regret was yesterday when she tried to do this again. I was angered by my weakness and consequently I took my anger out on her.

"Dammit, Sarah, I said no!", I had yelled angrily at her.

I immediately regret my outburst as I saw how hurt she really was by my words. Before I could stop her she ran away to her room. I heard the door slam and I could feel her weeping. I knew I had been an idiot but what more was there to do? I couldn't... with her anymore. I was too unpredictable, too violent. Now I was alone. She hasn't been out of her room all day since what happened yesterday. I worried for her, I really did. I had been paying close attention to her heart patterns, constantly listening to it to know she was okay. I had gone back to my office, the key had been lying there on the floor where I last threw it. I had been so convinced that I was never coming back and now here I was. I sat in the same black leather chair and tuned into her emotions. I leaned back and relaxed as I felt she was calm. She was probably sleeping. I stayed like this for a few more hours until I felt an irregularity. Her heart rate spiked and as did her emotions. I felt what she was feeling and it was very familiar. I stood up and bolted to her room.

A/N: SEX is in the next chapter so yeah. .-.
Just saying.
-Bad Wolf