Zombaliens

Chapter Juan

It was a calm night for the hoomin known as Jeff. Jeff had brown hair and blue eyes (And dey were sparkly) But Jeff was a stoopid idiot that tips cows at two in the morning. He enjoyed his life, tipping cows spraying lysol in random peoples eyes as he hides in the bushes. Yeah.... He was kinda of a jerk! Anyway, one night when Jeff was outside tipping cows, he saw a bright light off in the distance. So, like the stoopid hoomin he was, he followed it. Finally, after about 5 minuets, he reached the luminous blur. He looked up, his eyes widened, his mouth dropped and I'm pretty sure that he peed himself too... Anyways, up in the sky was a giant, floating cracker? Jeff took another look and saw that it wasn't a cracker, it was a KFC I meeeaaaan a U.F.O! Jeff lost his breath, and eventually he passed out because of that. Jeff's eyes flashed open. His head was hot like jalapeño. He began sit up but, he slapped his head against some sort of invisible force field! It was glass. It knocked him out again. When he came to be (again) he saw something in front of him. It looked like a green, chicken, lion with koolaid dripping from it's mouth. The sight was SO terrible that be passed out again... When he woke up for the 4th time, the figure was gone. But somfing was off. He was moving. He glanced above him. Upward was the chicken, lion thing and now in the light, he saw it wasn't a chicken, lion thing, it was a zombie alien. Jeff silently screamed in his mind and passed out AGAIN. His heavy eyes lifted and he was in new surroundings. It appeared he was in some sort of hospital surgery room. "Bwop boop zingazing la bla." Said da Zombalien. The glass slid off and revealed Jeff to the Zombaliens. Jeff started levitating to the table in the middle of the room. And when Jeff tried to scream like a little girl, he was so dazed that he didn't scream but, sounded like this, "Momma! The chicken potpie is the new chocolate cake! Don't blame me! It was da monkey! Da monkey took your football phone!" Then he passed out agian. When he woke up for the millionth time, he was centered on sort of autopsy table. One of the Zombaliens was holding razor! The Zombalien began to walked to Jeff. "Momma yo pie, YO PIE!!!!!" He started to "scream." When all of the sudden a figure was swinging from the ceiling. The figure jumped off the rope and kicked one of the Zombaliens in da FACE!!!!!! The figure punched the forcefield, braking it. Jeff was in owe. The figure grabbed his arm, lifted him into the air and started carrying him. Now the light was perfect that he could see his rescuer. It was a man... No wait... Yeah? No... Yeah?... No, no,no. It's defiantly a girl. And she wasn't swinging on a rope. She was swinging on *cough* her nose hair. Her roles of fat reminded Jeff of the waves on the ocean. Her eyes were the color of poopy pants. (Which is blue and brown combined). Her magical nose hairs shined in the florissant light above us. We'd make some cute babies! He strangely thought to himself. Her skin complexion was white and pasty. Her eyes were drawn close together by the gravity of love. He thought. Her unibrow was a thick, shaggy, line that reminded Jeff of a beautiful, long, caterpillar. I'm in love! He thought. "Are you okay mister?" She said in her "beautiful" deep, whale-like voice. "I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-I like you misshapen teeth!" He finally said. "Thank you!" She replied with love in her eyes. Her pupils drifted away from another. "Is that supposed to happen?" Asked Jeff. "What's what supposed to happen?" Said the whale-like woman. "Um... Your eye's... Your eye's seem to not like each other..." Said Jeff awkwardly. "Oh. I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?" She asked shyly. "No." Jeff stated with a blank face. "We're here!" She said as she burst the a ceiling vent. "And by the way-" She started "My name is Silvanavitch." She said. Silvanavitch, the name of a Goddess. "Hey! HellOOOoooo? Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey HEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!" She shouted. Jeff snapped back into reality. "Wha-what?" He said. "We're here I said!" "Oh... Where exactly are we?" "The base." She stated.