Poems and Heartache

Twenty six

when was the exact moment i started to repulse myself?
when did i begin to wish i was six feet under?
when did the world become such a cold and unforgiving place? when did i begin to lose faith in myself?
when did all the beautiful colors turn to grey?
how did i not notice this has gone on for so long?
this sickness that has infected my very core. suffocating me when my lungs work fine
this vacancy in my heart,
which has long forgotten the warmth it used to know. buried like the grass under the never ending snow. darkness encroaching, enveloping me.
waiting for me to give in like the sand to the cold sea.
there comes a point where sanity is long gone.
and a certain clarity comes.
like seeing for the first time, all the hate in the world.
no rose colored glasses, but seeing things for what they are. and that is when i finally saw myself.
for what i really am.
a monster.
Kaiimkenn