Conflictions

Where it all began

AN

Ok so you've probably heard this a million and one times, but this story is nothing like all the other Muslim teen books. Honest, hand on heart. It is absolutely positively without a doubt is NOTHING whatsoever like those other books. I wanted to convey the reality of what life is really like for a Muslim girl living in the west. This means understanding how boys, crushes, music & wait for it...sex, (Yes I said it, becuase lets be honest-someone had to.) have an affect on a muslim teens' religious & cultural background.

I feel like a lot of the time all these other books don't reflect the REAL struggles Muslim girls face, so I wanted to attempt (key word here is attempt lol) to highlight the more taboo topics, which are often avoided, in order to show the best representation of what its like for muslim girls to balance religion & well...life! Although I don't want to end up focusing too much on the more taboo aspects, I do want to highlight it, as most books tend to skim over it. And I should add that this depiction is obviously not what a muslim should be doing, it's merely highlighting some of the 'temptations' that some (not all) muslims may face.

So wish me luck and here goes...

Chapter 1

What.The.Hell.Is.Happpening. More importantly how the hell did this happen? Oh God, oh God, oh God! What do I do?! Ok Breathe. Just breathe Hannah. Deep breaths. Nice and easy. One, two,three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. There. Much better. I can think rationally now that my heart isn't trying to jump out of my chest.

"Everything okay babe?" Jake interrupts my internal battle.

"Erm, yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I laugh shakily to cover up my lie.

"Good, mmmnn, mmmmn..." He says between nibbling on my neck and ear.

Jeez Hannah relax, stop stressing out. Jake's a nice guy, he's sweet, he makes me laugh and it doesn't hurt that he's built like a Greek God! Slowly he makes his way down to the pulsing part of my neck, sucking on it so gently that I can't help but sigh. Taking this as further encouragement Jake presses himself against me and pulls me closer to him. We're so close that it's a wonder we're both still able to breathe. It's not like I'm the first girl to be doing this and I sure as hell wont be the last. 

As I continue my internal battle with myself my hijab falls to the floor and I know somewhere deep inside that I shouldn't be doing this, but like always I shut that part off and focus on what's in front of me. Mind made up and heart still pounding I shake my head from the remaining guilty thoughts that are trying to sneak into my head, and wrap my arms around Jake, meeting his lips with my own...

*******

"Hannah is that you?" My mum asks just as I enter the door.

"Yes ma." I sigh, who else could it be since its just the two of us that live here.

"I've been trying to call you since 9, which is when you should have been home. So explain to me how my daughter has all of a sudden lost the ability to tell time, since that has to be the only logical explanation." My mum says in her usual clipped tone.

"I'm 17 not 7 so why does it matter if I'm just two hours past curfew?" I ask exasperated.

"When I tell you to be home at a certain time, I expect you to be home at a certain time. As long as you live under my roof, you will follow my rules. Consider yourslef grounded for the foreseeable future." She tells me.

"See you always do this, you try to shut me up like some kid! Why is it so hard for you to just talk to me!" I yell. Even though I know shouting wont help I still do, because it's the only thing left between us now. She doesn't react to me anymore, there's no more emotion in her words. Any form of communication between us feels robotic. It's like this now despite how much I push to get a reaction from her, any reaction really.