Conflictions

First day

It was a relief not having to worry about how I'd find my classes since I've been going to Holstead High since year 7, so I knew the place like the back of my hand. I made my way to the assembly hall for the usual welcome back speach by the head Miss pitler. Looking at the packed room I notice some new faces alongside the old ones and after exchanging greeting with some friends, I easily find Layla and Rachel chatting away.

"Heya girls, hey Tom." I say giving Rachel and Layla a hug and a wave to Tom from our year.

"Hey Hans." All of them reply back.

"Seriously guys when will you stop referring to me as 'hans'? That's a boys name!" I say pouting.

"Lays is food. Revenge is a bitch." Layla says laughing

"Meanine I mutter." As I take my seat.

"Anyways why does Pitler insist on doing these unnecessary asemblies every year?!" Layla complains to Tom who's sitting next to her.

"I know! Just because we're in 6th form now doesn't mean we've forgotten how the school works. I had to sacrifice my sleep just to make this assembly." He says stifling a yawn.

I chuckle to myslef while Layla and Tom are still busy talking about the evil ways of Miss Pitler.

"How you holding up?" Rachel asks leaning in, so no-one else can hear us.

"I still feel crappy, but that's life for ya." I reply truthfully.

"Hans I know you try not to think too much about it, but maybe it'll help, you know?" Rachel says tentatively.

Once again pushing back those thoughts, barely above a whisper I answer Rachel as honestly I can without breaking down. "No, not yet, I can't, okay?"

Pulling me into a hug Rachel whispers back "Whenever you're ready hun, I'm right here to talk."

Relieved and surprised at how drained I feel already, I summon my last bit of energy to mouth a thank you just, as Lays finishes her conversation with Tom. One look at me and Rachel and she knows something is up,

"Bathroom after this ladies." She says just as Miss Pitler takes the mike to begin. Chuckling to myself I think of how lucky I am to have these two girls in my life.

*****

As soon as Pitler ends the assembly Layla drags us to the bathroom and says "Spill."

Bracing myself I fill her in on last nights events and, as much as I don't want to tell her about the kiss I know I cant keep this from her. After I finish I brace myself to see her reaction and I'm relieved to see she isn't disgusted with me. I know Lays would never judge me, but it's not the easiest thing in the world laying down your flaws to have them picked apart.

"Wow. wow. wow. wow." She repeats over and over agian.

"Lays! say something else please!" I say embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Hannah I'm kinda just shocked I guess, I mean don't get me wrong I'm not the best muslim out there you know. I talk to guys, hug them even sometimes, so it's a big deal when you kiss a guy!" She chuckles

"I'm not gonna lie we both know it's wrong in Islam, but I'm not going to act like a hypocrite and tell you off. Just because you committed a sin different to mine doesn't make me any better than you. So stop acting like I'm going to look at you like your the scum of the earth." She says grabbing me into a hug.

"What kind of best friend would I be if I did that? Everyone has their reasons ok, so I'm not going to stand here and act like I'm better than you. What I am going to do however is ask you why you did it?" She continues.

This is one of the many times that Layla suprises me, she never judges me and as a fellow muslimah I love her even more for that. She could've called me out on the shitty muslim I've been in the last couple of months, but instead like the good friend she is she gives me the shoulder I need to lean on, and sometimes that's all you can ask for.

"Honestly I don't think I completely know myself. Did it feel nice? I'd be lying if I said no. Should I have done it? No. Then why did I do it? I really don't know. A part of me thinks it was in the heat of the moment and all that cliche bs, but another deeper part of me knows it's something else, because if the opportunity presented itself again I don't know if I wouldn't do it again. And that's the part that scares the shit out of me." Sighing I close my eyes more frustrated at myself than ever, as the bell signals the start of class.

"Oh Hannah." Layla whispers pulling me into a hug again.

"We're going to be late guys, so after school my house to finish this off okay?" Rachel asks softly.

"Sounds like a plan." Layla answers.

"Same. Um I have double biology first period, so I'll catch up with you guys at break." I mumble walking away, once again left with just my thoughts as company. Expect this time I'm disrupted as I walk into something hard. Or someone to be precise. Coming out of my own world, I look up only to come face to face with the one person I'm not ready to deal with yet.

Jake.

******

AN

so, so, so, so, so! What'd you guys think? I didn't want to give too much away, so I left a few hints here and there. Let me know what you all think!

Comment away my lovelies :)