Conflictions

Thoughts

AN

I quickly want to say a big thank you to all my lovely readers who took out the time to vote & comment (as well as read lol) my story. I'm so so so glad you all like the story so far, I have BIG plans for this story so please do stick with it! I hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint!

Super quick dictionary:

fajr: Literally just means 'dawn' in Arabic. It's the first of the 5 prayers carried out by muslims (prayed before sunrise)

Salah: Prayer

Alhamdullilah: Praise to God

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An all too familiar sound was currently blaring near my left ear and it took all of my will power to push myself off the little cloud I was currently wrapped up in, and locate the evil thing that had rudely interrupted my sleep. Sighing I sat up and tried to reach the alarm clock that I threw under my bed only to come up with nothing but handfuls of air. I know that if I don't put my clock as far away from me as possible I'll pretty much break the snooze button. I bent down to check under my bed and lo and behold my alarm clock was just chilling on the far left side. Well at least that explains why it felt like it was screaming only in my left ear. Back on the bed again, I went over to the other side and grabbed the little demon and shut it off. At last! I could finally hear myslef think again. Actaully come to think of it, it was really quiet, so mum probably left for work already. It wasn't much of a suprise that she didn't wake me up seeing as she leaves after she prays fajr salah. Ever since that day she's kept a distance really. Unwillingly my subconscious takes me back to the one place I try my hardest to stay away from...

*****

"Hannah you need to wake up." My mum whispers angrily.

"It's almost sunrise, if you don't wake up now you'll miss salah." She repeats, getting more aggravated as I fail to get up.

"Ok ma. Thank you for waking me up." I reply sarcastically before turning to the other side.

"Then why are you still in bed?" She continues.

 "I said I was getting up. Why'd you have to watch over me like a hawk?" I respond annoyed.

"I wouldn't need to if you just got up. All you have to do is pray, then you can go back to bed. Why are you making it so difficult, when it's so simple?" She asks aggravated.

"I said I would pray, so why do you feel like you have to watch me over me? I'm not dad for godsake!" I yell furious at this point.

Her eyes are wide in shock as if I've just slapped her, hand on her heart, it's almost as if I can hear it break into tiny pieces. She starts taking a step back the hurt in her eyes as clear as the damage my words have caused.

"Ma, I'm sorry, I didn-"

"No." She cuts me off. Recovering she says the words that after all this time still haunt me...

***

Shaking I blink back the tears that I refuse to let fall. I will not go back there I tell myself, repeating this mantra. I take deep breaths and steady myself before getting up. One last time I shake my head from the memories that once again attempt to resurface.

Looking at the alarm clock I panick as I realise that it's 7.30 and I have less than 40 minutes to get ready. Practically running I get to the bathroom and brush my teeth, shower and do my hair in record time. Okay fine, 20 minutes, but anyone that knows me is fully aware that is a record for me. With 20 minutes left I opt to sacrifice breakfast in the hopes of having more time to get ready. I look out the window relived to find the weather is beautiful alhamdullilah. I grab my favourite long aztec printed blue and gold maxi dress and pair it with a faded light blue cropped jeans jacet. Next I get out a light cream scarf and a pair of gladiator sandals. Dressed in less than 10 minutes I'm back in the bathroom praying my scarf works with me and not against me like it usually does. Thank God, because my scarf actually listens today, as it wraps easily around my head. I take one last look in the mirror satisifed with my work this morning and grab a banana, as I rush out the door to catch the bus to the first day of 6th form.