And It Was Okay

Football and Bridges

The Cyborg Unicorns always won; there was no doubting that when you went to a football game, they would be the champions. My brother was on this team, and I swore he was the reason why they won each game. Football was his life. I loved to watch him and the pride that he had when he held the team ball. But you knew that as soon as the whistle blew, his face wondered to the crowd to find a certain blue eyed girl, and once he did, football seemed to be far away.

I always wished to have a guy look at me like that. But college life wasn't that simple, and it didn't matter now, anyways. Time was getting shorter with each day that passed, and this was the last. I had set my date, the day I'd jump off the intersection 29 bridge. My brother had his future planned, he didn't need me anymore. My parents, they were occupied with the baby, Talia, they'd recently adopted. It seemed like every step I took, I was more and more out of their lives and they didn't want me back.

I walked back to my dorm in a daze after the game. We won, of course. During the game, seeing how happy my brother was, I almost changed my mind. People buzzed around me like flies, and I wish they'd go away. But didn't they notice? Didn't they notice how distant I'd become? I chopped off the hair I'd been growing for three years. At first I wanted them to save me, but when I realized that none of them cared, I figured they weren't worth it. When they all found out what I did, if they cared, maybe they'd pay more attention and save someone else who mattered a little more.

I slipped into my dorm to find my roommate Allison and one of the freshmen playing tug of war with their tongues on my bed. Typical. The whole freaking room and she picked my bed. I averted my eyes and grabbed my things. They didn't even notice. That was why I picked that night. Big football game, everyone would be busy celebrating and nobody would notice I was gone. Nobody would care.

I pulled a hat out of my backpack and put it over my ears. I saw my breath in front of me while I walked towards the bridge. It was a mile. I thought about how happy my brother was. He was amazing. If I would miss anyone, it would have been him. I imagined him proposing to Emily that night. He wanted to, but he also wanted to finish college first. I knew she'd say yes. Anyone in their right mind knew. All you had to do was see the sparkle he put in her eyes.Emmit was the happiest person to be around, and you'd think his mind was made of rainbows. My little brother knew how to save people. But just this time, he couldn't save me.

I crossed the road and finally my mind wandered to 'him'. The only guy capable of making me blush. I didn't like to think about him, but he was always there, in the back of my mind. I told my self that if he noticed, I'd stay. I wouldn't do it. Everyday I passed him on the way to classes I prayed he'd stop me and ask if I was all right. But he didn't. No one did.

I finally stood at the edge of the bridge. I wrote them all letters. They'd find them once I was gone. I wanted them to understand, I wanted them to feel something. Emmit's was the hardest. Because I knew that if he found it before, that he'd stop me.

I sighed and took a bible out of my bag. I set it on the railing. "You tried, God. At least someone did." I was wearing my favorite outfit for the late fall- an over sized black sweater and leggings with cats on them, and my favorite pair of grey Converse. I saved it for that night. I shivered as the cars zoomed behind me.

I pulled myself up and sat next to the bible on the rail. I saw the headings in newspaper clips in my head, "Olivia Mink found dead in the Ontario River, aged 18." I breathed deeply and stood up, needing only to keep my balance for only a minute longer.

I watched as someone walked hastily to the side of the bridge several yards away. I wondered what they were doing. If they had noticed me. I took the last item from my bag and threw the bag down. I clutched the tattered teddy bear to my chest. I was ready. I looked around one last time and I screamed.

The person I'd seen was now climbing into a standing position on the railing like me. My heart skipped a beat. It was Emmit. My perfect baby brother with his world of sunshine and rainbows. I didn't know. Why didn't I see it? "Emmit!" I screamed. I carefully sat back down and stepped back onto the road. I ran as fast as I could to him. I started crying without realizing it.

He looked at me as I reached his him. His eyes were bloodshot and his face dripped with tears. I grabbed onto his ankle. "Emmit come down from there. Don't do this." He couldn't leave behind his life like this. He had everything. A perfect girlfriend, a perfect school, perfect team.

"Olivia, what are you doing here?" he hissed at me. I noticed he was holding our mom's locket in his hand. He must have taken it when we had dinner with them.

I shook my head and swallowed back my tears, "What do you think, Emmit? What are you doing here?" I yelled.

He broke down like I had never seen him do before. I grabbed for his hand and he stepped down. We hugged for a long time. And I realized all the signs I'd missed. Everything different about Emmit, I had pushed aside. I didn't know we had been struggling in the same way. I hated myself for being so blind.

We made the choice together that night, to leave the bridge for a while and take a spur of the moment cross-country road trip. I went back to grab my backpack and Emmit went across the street to get us coffee. By the time I had my things back in my pack and I looked back, Emmit was walking into the street, trying to beat traffic. In the blink of an eye a truck came out of nowhere and every car on the road was honking. I screamed.