Thoughts

Falling Asleep

I remember laying in bed one night when something hit me, I realized that there was something beautiful about falling asleep. I feel like falling asleep can symbolize something very powerful. Falling asleep is a bit like a metaphor: when you do so, it's like you're dying, not permanently, just for a bit. The mystery behind it fascinates me, we never really know if we'll wake up, and sometimes I remember that, even now, when I fall asleep. I mean, we put all of our trust in our bodies, some hope that they wake up, but others, others wish that they will never wake up, but they almost always wake up.

I was falling asleep one night in a new position. I had my head on my wrist, then all of a sudden, I could hear my heart beat. I found it quite soothing at first, but then, I slowly started going a bit mad from the sound, which caused my heart to beat faster and louder. I wanted it to stop, but it was like I couldn't move, it was like the sound of my heart had put me under some sort of spell. I couldn't move or speak, I just laid there helplessly as the sound of my heart continued to take control of my body.

I wanted it to stop, I wanted it to leave, I never wanted to hear that sound again. I felt like screaming as the sound started getting louder

LOUDER

LOUDER

LOUDER

Then, suddenly it stopped. I was scared out of my mind about what had happened, it still gives me shivers when I think about it today. That experience ruined a piece of me, falling asleep was my escape, it was my way to get out of the real world, and slowly travel into Neverland. But, things never really were the same for me after that, I dreaded falling asleep, so I barely did. Even when I did sleep, it was only for a few hours, I would always wake up because of nightmares.

I hated falling asleep, but I also hated daytime, I didn't know what to do. Daytime meant school, which meant 7 hours of being teased and tormented by the assholes at my school. I hated going home because whenever I went out of my room, my family would make offensive jokes about me. But, if I went in my room they would complain about how I never talk to them. I also hated the night, not only because of that experience, but because I'm absolutely terrified of the dark. There was just no escape for me anymore, it's like it was all taken from me.