Thoughts

home life

Okay, I know that I've talked a bit about my home life, but that was mainly my child hood. I was raised in a good home, lovely parents, lovely neighborhood, it was nice for a while. But, you know what they say, nothing lasts forever. I love my parents, I really do, but the pressure they put on my was unbearable, I don't think they understand that I can't actually handle a bunch of pressure. I was pressured to be amazing at school, extra-curricular activities, everything, and on top of that, I needed to have a great social life. I had accomplished all of that for a while, it wasn't easy, but I did it.
As time went on and I got older, things got harder. I couldn't even talk to anybody without feeling like crying, presenting things to the class was a living hell. I became very bad when it came to socializing, I couldn't even go to family gatherings because the amount of people there kicked in my anxiety attacks, it was awful! As you can probably imagine, I wasn't popular at all as the years went by, I had a couple friends, but not many. By the time I got to highschool, my group of friends got smaller and smaller, it didn't help that I was bullied pretty bad, either.

Like I've said before, music was my way of escaping, so in high school, I joined the school choir, and I loved it. Choir was my happy place. Although it wasn't like the movies or the tv shows, the media did get one thing right: we were, and we still are a family. We were a very dysfunctional one, we argued, we were rude to each other at one point or another, but at the end of the day, we loved each other. That group really gave me hope, they helped me with my struggles, they were all supportive of me, and they were all around amazing. Even though my friend group got smaller in high school, I did make some friends because of choir. Even the friendships I had before strengthened, choir helped me a lot, and I am forever grateful.
Now, back to my home life, my brother, he was a pain in my ass, but I loved him anyways, we were just the normal relationship you'd find between siblings. We constantly argued over idiotic things, but at the end of the day, even though we didn't act like it, we still cared about each other.  My sister, her and I were pretty close,  we had a pretty great relationship. Even though she was really annoying, she was awesome, she's kind of like a mixture of me and my brother, which is pretty cool. Like I told you, I loved my parents, but they were very hard on me. It's like they had the highest expectations, and whenever I didn't meet them, they were very disappointed, you should've seen how upset they were when I joined choir, they hated it so much!

My brother and sister were perfect to my mom and dad, but I  was the one they were ashamed of. My parents made me feel like I was never important, they treated me like trash. They wanted a prodigy, but that wasn't who I was, so they hated that. I don't know why my parents made me be the one that was supposed to be special, like why me? Instead of being the prodigy they wanted, they ended up with a child with severe anxiety that's also an emo, great job mom and dad, what a prodigy I am! My parents never went to one of my concerts, not one. They would always make up excuses for why they couldn't go, but yet they always made it to my siblings recitals/sports games, I was the least important. It hurt me a lot, but I still tried, even though I never had parents that were there to support me during my concerts, I still worked very hard, and that's what matters.