Jokes and riddles!

Blonde Jokes

Unfortunately, I run out of ideas and the only one I could come with is about blondes.

1. A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.  She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.

After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."

Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.  She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."

2. A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."  Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that tv."

But the salesman still said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

Finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" she asked.

The salesman answered: "Cause that's a microwave."

3. A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, "I have a complaint!"

"How can I help you?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

4. Once there was a magical mirror. When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.

One day three college girls went to the mirror.

The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one." Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.

The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one." Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.

Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*" Then she suddenly dissapearred forever.

5. One day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven. God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke.  If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

6. A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.  The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.

She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!  This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.

The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said,  "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

7. A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.

She calls the police and reports a theft.

When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

8. Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me.

Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me.

9. Q.  How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A.  One hundred: one to hold the lightbulb, the other 99 to rotate the house.

10. Q. How many blonde jokes are there?

A. One. The rest are all true stories.