Pineapple [Wonwoo] #1 ✔

33

Jessi: ok what the fuck

Jessi: firstable, it's 10pm i was in my comfy bed until you texted me about your dad so i asked you about it. Then i remembered that my mom is a nurse. I called her but she wasn't pickin up the phone. so i biked 10km all the way to the hospital, found my mom, asked her about your dad. Then biked back and texted you the results. And then you accuse me of something like that. Ok fine i do joke around. I joke about everything. But doesn't mean I'll joke about your dad like that when I know how much he means to you. And knowing how sensitive you are. Sure i joked about your depression before because i refuse to be serious about that. You know why? I've been there. You're not the only one with problems. You're not the only one whose dear person could be dying. My sister died in a car crash three years ago but did i ever mention that? I was depressed for a long amount of time. I know what's it like. I don't wanna go there again that's for sure. And I'm a shitty person i know. I suck at consoling people. I'm bad at communication and i don't know what to say to make them feel better. But i tried didn't i? I tried to make you feel better by anyway i can. Except by communication. i joke around because i donno what to say. It's better to lighten the situation than both being in a gloomy silence. I showed it to you that i cared about you. I went all the way to your house i was awake at midnight baking the cake for you, i spent hours trying to think of what to say in the letter i wrote to you. Because i know what you're feeling and i knew no matter what i say it wouldn't make any difference. Depression isn't a simple thing and i could tell you to get over it but will that help anything? It didn't for my case atleast. Anyway what I'm trying to say I guess is that if you can't trust me i understand because it's my fault for never being trustworthy but i made all those jokes and the fact that i do them is because i want people around me to be happy. To laugh and to just smile. It makes me happy when i see people smile and I'll continue joking in the future if i can make people smile. Because you might think being serious is going to help you but it won't because ask yourself why you didn't tell your friends about this. Isn't that the exact reason why? You'd rather tell me a stranger who can never take anything seriously over your friends whom you've known for all your life. Ask yourself what you were expecting from me because i sure as hell don't know what the fuck you expected from me. Anyhow I'm not even sure why I have to explain myself to you cause i am what i am and I'm not going to change. If you don't want to be friends with me that's perfectly fine by me. Have a great life. And this time I mean it. Ending your life may seem like a great idea but think about your parents and all the people you're leaving behind. Suicide is the most selfish thing to do and i realized that when i was laying on a hospital bed one day watching my mom cry all night. Don't think you're always the only one there are billions of people who suffer from depression at some point in their life but also billions overcome it. If they can do it then so can you. I'm sorry i couldn't help you but i believe you can overcome it Wonwoo. Because no matter what the problem is self love is important to get the strength to overcome it. When you're crying your eyes out at 3am nobody's gonna help you so you have to help yourself. You have to love yourself to pick yourself up and keep fighting. But you also have your parents to whom you're the centre of the world. Imagine how bad they'd feel watching you crumble. I hope you never stop loving yourself and remember there are people who love you as well. I really hope you'll talk to your dad and be by his side when the hard times start. He's probably embarrassed and would feel like a burden or incompetent but show him you love him no matter what and that you'd always support him no matter what. You're family and family always stick together. Ok this message is so not like me so I'm just gonna shut up now. Goodbye, Jeon Wonwoo. I wish you all the best.