The Cursed Alpha

Is He Worth It?

FREY POV

I sat at my desk with my head in my hands, and I couldn't help but to wonder what the big deal about having a mate was. From the way Trent went on and on about his mate, I would have thought that having one would be like a beautiful dream. That I would be able to stay side by side with someone who would help me run my pack successfully, gain more land, lower my pack land's crime rate, and even bring my emotions back. But nope. That's not what happened to me at all. It's not like I was complaining. I was just confused.

My mate seemed to be unhappy with everything. Pack life, me, his wolf. I was still working on my latest Alpha mission: Get Zane to like his Wolf. But now I was doing it more for Yaps and B-G than for him. In fact, every time I thought about Zane, I found myself wondering if it was even worth it-- having a mate, I mean.

For one thing, I had even more work than before, instead of less. While I was in the hospital, Zane had tried to run away, but had gotten caught by Beta Christopher and Claire's mate, Jarred. Both of them weren't very fond of my mate. Needless to say, they hadn't exactly been gentle with him while bringing him back. As an Alpha, I had a responsibility to berate them, to tell them to be more gentle with my guest and mate. But, also as an Alpha, I had to prioritize, and these budgets, invitations, and disturbance reports were higher on my list of priorities than telling my Beta and Jarred to be more gentle with Zane. Plus, I had quickly spoken with B-G, and he had been fine, so there was no real reason for me to be angry.

For another thing, even though I had more work, I had less help looking after my pack, and protecting my borders. I needed people around Zane at all times to make sure that he stayed in my pack lands. Even if it was only one or two less guards on my perimeter, that was still one or two less guards protecting my pack, my territory. I constantly felt a pain behind my eyes. My Alpha instincts were telling me non-stop that I was making a mistake by taking my guards off duty to babysit, but my wolf told me that what I was doing was normal for an Alpha who just found her mate, and that I was looking out for my pack's future. Her words helped me sleep better at night.

Also, even with my wolf's reassuring words, I wasn't stupid, no matter how much easier that would have been. My pack wasn't doing nearly as well as I hoped it would be doing. Zane had been with us for about a month, but my pack was actually doing worse than it had been the week I announced that Christopher was my chosen Beta. I could constantly sense my pack's fear and weariness, and it pained me (quite literally) that I couldn't protect them. Because they were afraid of me. They were afraid that they would find me in a bad mood. And there was nothing they could do if they came face to face with an angry Alpha. Especially if it was their angry Alpha.

I knew I was constantly in a bad mood. Mainly because Zane gave me a lot of reasons to be. He was always trying to argue with me, mocking me, insulting our wolves. I had only just found my anger. It was plenty difficult for me to reign it in. Also, I had a lot of extra stress because of Zane. 

He had refused to join my pack, so I had to constantly send nearby worried Alphas that them and their packs were safe, because Zane was just one wolf, and he was my mate. Unfortunately, most Alphas were middle aged, self-righteous men who wanted to show the rookie little girl playing dress up as an Alpha that they were smarter and more experienced than me. They kept sending me messages and warnings and threats, and I kept telling them that Zane was not a threat. There was no reason to go insulting them. I would need them if my pack ever got into a sticky situation.

Zane also liked to run around the pack house, talking to people and offering to help them. And that wasn't a bad thing. Until he offered to train to be a guard. I didn't tell him that he couldn't be one, and I also didn't tell him that he was going to be a co-Alpha one day, and that there would be no point. Instead, I explained to him that Jarred would train him. I also informed him that Jarred hated him. Still, Zane had insisted. And my pack needed all the protection it could get. I knew Zane was planning something in that handsome head of his, but I couldn't figure out what. I had had too much work to really think about it.