hotline bling » jack gilinsky

twenty

my phone starts to ring and without looking at the caller id, i pick up. the familiar voice fills my ears instantly and i wished that i never answered.

"kendall, can we please talk?"

"travis, don't." i whisper.

"i know what i did was unforgivable, but can we please just talk..."

my eyes flicker up to look at jack and all of his attention is put on me. just a moment ago it was on his cellular device. his jaw in firmly clenched and his eyebrows are knitted together.

"i don't know." i honestly tell him.

"i know that there was no valid excuse for me to do it-"

"then why did you?" my voice remains quiet.

i feel so exposed with jack's eyes on me.

"i was angry." travis says. "so, can we please talk?"

"i'll think about it." i bite my top lip.

"call me back when you've made a decision."

i hang up the call without answering and set my phone down. hearing his voice makes me want to burst out in tears. i'm happy with jack, but i can't be if something like this is coming up.

"what'd he want?" jack's cold voice asks me.

"he wanted to talk, that's all."

"are you going to talk to him?"

i shrug my shoulder, "i might. just to hear him out."

jack slowly nods his head. i rest my plans on my thighs, turning my body's fully face him. i'm still so angry at asia for going behind my back and doing this. she totally played it off too. she should become an actress.

"you can't possibly be mad." i say to jack.

"i'm not." his reply is blunt and i know that he's lying, but i just let it go.

"okay." is all i say.

i move suddenly so that i'm straddling him. i don't want him to be mad at me.

"what are you doing?" he asks me as i put my hands on his chest.

"don't be mad at me." i pout.

"i'm not." he squeezes my hips. "but i will be if you don't follow through with what you're doing."

i lean down to kiss his neck and the pressure of his fingers on my hips increase. I slowly move so that both of our lower halves are rubbing against each other in just the right way.

"kendall." he groans.

"what? i'm following through." i whisper into his ear.

i feel jack start to grow in his pants and i can tell that he's anxious.

"do you think we should actually follow through? we've only forgiven each other about two weeks."

"but we've known each other for so long." i tell him.

"i know, but i don't want you to regret anything."

"jack, you're the one i lost my virginity to."

he licks his bottom lip and guides it in between his teeth, nodding his head. i bring my hand up to caress his cheek. he looks up into my eyes and his eyes flicker to my lips. i quickly connect our mouths together.

he keeps his left hand on my hip and moves his right hand just above my butt. jack pulls his lips away from mine, which confuses me even more.

"are you sure?" he asks me.

i sigh, getting off of him, "if you don't want to, just tell me."

"no, it's not like that. i just want you to be sure because your ex-boyfriend-"

"shut up." i quickly cut him off. "we don't mention it and i also broke up with him for you." i narrow my eyes at him.

"i think you're taking this the wrong way, kendall."

"yeah, maybe i am." i say, getting up from the bed and grabbing my things. "i'm gonna go. i'll see you later..."

i quickly rush out of the room, avoiding eye contact with johnson on the way out. i ignore jack calling my name. i storm to my car and shut the door, driving off quickly. at a stoplight, i take my phone out, calling the one person i know that i shouldn't.

"kendall?"

"come to my place right now. i'll give you five minutes to explain yourself." i tell travis before hanging up.

maybe i'm doing this out of impulse because i'm a little upset with jack? or maybe i actually want to hear travis' explanation. i press the gas as the light turns green. when i arrive at my apartment, i park in a parking spot and wait for travis.

i wouldn't feel comfortable with him going up to my apartment to talk. thankfully, he got the memo and parked his car in the empty slot next to mine. he gets out of his car and i get out of mine.

"five minutes, go." i say.

"you've heard this before, i know that there's no excuse for me doing what i did, but i can't take it back and i'm sorry. i know that i did it with the worst person too-"

"then why did you do it?" my voice turns into a whisper to keep me from completely bursting out in tears.

too much has been happening these past few days.

"i don't know why i did it, okay? maybe because i was mad and upset at the fact that you said we needed a break."

"i was upset with the fact that you asked why we needed a break because we weren't dating, but you don't see me sleeping with your best friend."

he clenches his jaw, realizing how difficult and stubborn i'm being. it's so hard to stand my ground right now because all i want to do is cry. cry in someone's arms.

"i'm sorry, kendall. i don't know what else you want me to say." travis tells me, slowly grabbing both of my hands.

ask you to forgive me for my sins
would you please
i'm more than grateful for the time we've spent
my spirits at ease

i put my heart into your hands
learn the lessons you teach
no matter when, wherever i am
you're not hard to reach

the contact makes me completely lose it. i burst out into hysterical tears and he immediately pulls me into his arms. i don't completely forgive him, but i just want someone to hold me. i need the safeness and assurance.

"you are my everything." he whispers to me.

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