Haze

WOODLAND- part 1

She bit her lip a little as she stood in her thick white cardigan against the glass window, skimming her gaze along the tress laden with snow and a leaf here and there. The dark shadows under her eyes had started to suit her blushed cheeks and frame of straight long ruffled hair. Her studying gaze was interrupted by the sudden sound of the toaster. Rubbing her hands together and moving away from the early rays of the sun she made her way from the reading room to the kitchen counter which was adjoining her small sitting room. Sitting on the stools and turning on the music for the morning, she pulled out the warm toasts and mindfully spread butter and bit into it, looking outside at the snow laden grass. The solitude was growing on her, but only today she felt it out of place. Only today, she felt how aloof she'd come to be, and today was when she saw the downside of the decision she had taken. She scarcely had neighbours, the ones who were there, she seldom saw around. Polishing the crumbs from the plate slowly, she didn't know whether to cry or to be angry.

***

She was packing her bags frantically, chewing on her chewing gum and whizzing from her wardrobe to her suitcase open on the creaking wooden single bed. Muttering curses under her breath and shoving clothes into the red case, she kept checking her phone for any text messages from her sister.

Keep taking your meds, we...Uh...have helped you all that we could. All the best for your life. Good luck, I hope-

What time?

I'm sorry? Oh. Uh. Ten am. You... you want us to arrange a cab or maybe-

I'll manage. I got it, yeah. The door's to your right hand side.

I-we- all want you to be happy; hope you are happy.

I'm getting out of this asylum. Yeah I'm fucking happy. Now you can go and get rid of your bloody pouring guilty conscience somewhere else, I have stuff to do, like finally getting a life.

Her phone beeped and she rushed to it in her hyperactivity and before reaching the table where her phone lay, came to an abrupt halt and closed her eyes and held her breath. Slowly she turned around and walked back to where she started from- near the doors of the small wardrobe- and with much effort, slowly walked to fetch her phone.

She had to get rid of what everyone was calling a fucking bipolar disorder.

***

"It's night time already?! You want to go out somewhere? I'm so glad I'm out of that hell hole. They can't keep me in for more than three fucking months!" she sniggered "why don't they just give up and tell them that this is just the way I roll." Her sister Monica, with short brown hair and her office dress, pushed the breaks and glanced at her, her lips a thin line.

"Not the cigarettes, come on! You just got out!" she lifted her hands in the air and hit them on the steering wheel.

"I need to let off some steam. Hahaha!" she put the butt of the long cigarette to her lips and sat back into the plush seat, looking out of her window.

"Don't you think maybe..." her sister gave her a dubious glance "a little longer would've done you good? Just- a little longer...?"

She crushed the small stub on the window pane of the car and held the smoke of the last swig in her mouth, looking at her sweating sister with red eyes, lolling her head to the side. The world outside is not accustomed! You don't have any problems- that I know! But others do! They fear you! They'll run away from you and then you'll feel like a goddamn ghost. A frustrated, confused maniac ghost! And the worst part is- you won't see it coming.

Oh I don't give two craps! I know who is by my side and who wants me so far so even the thoughts of me don't enter their heads- I know! Don't teach me, loser! And you know what? I will try. I will fucking try and be what you like to call normal. Not to prove to you dingbats, but for those who love me-who will come to take me from this shithole you call mental health hospital after you have finally had enough of me for a lifetime and want to let me go and die in the farthest corner of this world! You will see.

"Did I say something wrong? I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" her sister had reddened in her face.

She shifted her gaze to the front onto the quiet road that was just a little from her house, and then back to her. "We're going to my house?" she murmured. But she didn't want to hear the answer. "I think I can walk myself." She yanked the dashboard open and pulled out the pack of cigarettes.

"What are you talking? I'll drop you." Her sister exclaimed looking at her with wide eyes.

"I'll jump."

The car came to a screeching halt and she got out and slammed the passenger door shut, laughing like a maniac. "Oh and, thanks for these, sister." She spoke with her head poked inside the passenger seat window with a glint in her eyes, watching her slightly delirious little sister.

***

It had been three hours, and she had been racing around the house right since the minute she stepped in. With a newly found motivation, and a heightened euphoria, she had decided to clean the house. Sure her sister's behavior today had put her off a little , but the end of the climb to the flight of stairs on the tenth floor of the flats, she was renewed with the same energy with which she had climbed into her sister's car earlier that day. After an hour, she also had the clothes for washing out in the small balcony to be put in the washing machine, and coffee brewing. After two hours she had put the clothes in the machine, but before switching it on, remembered about the coffee and rushed to the coffee maker. She remembered the plumber and thought maybe there would be something to fix in her house, since it hadn't been in use for so long. After the telephone call, her eyes latched onto her small bookshelf. In a minute, she had brought down all books from her book shelf to her bed, because she needed to sort all the books. The sorting was midway, and she got hold of a book with a glorious cover. It was her sister's; heck, all the books were her sister's, even the bookshelf was hers, she was a voracious reader. She had demanded it be kept in her house when she went to live with her own family, because someday she would most certainly read each one of them. Monica had given in all too easily, with a little smile playing on her lips, she remembered suddenly, and then resumed her furious work.

At the end of three hours now, she couldn't quite recognize what she was feeling. She sat in a puddle of water in her living room, looking around with confused eyes. She would have continued the cleaning, but something didn't feel right. The asylum had taught her something, rather passively, and according to the 'new' her, something was wrong, something was...repeating. Too suddenly, a cry broke from her chest, and her mind still didn't realize what was happening- what had happened. It was not numb, just very confused. Her vision became blurry, and she realized she had tears in her eyes. Her weak mind registered something that made her breath lodge in her throat. No. her mind flooded with thoughts, which on a normal day wouldn't have bothered her much, but now, she felt it was wrong. The asylum had told her this was wrong abnormal. With trembling hands she held her head, trying to vacate her mind. It wasn't her disorder that had her in a pool of throbbing emotions, but the realization that she had one. The realization that came crashing down on her mercilessly.

***

...to be continued.

***

Hope you guys enjoyed! There is still more to come though!

There is a reason I have kept from naming characters and places, unless I had to avoid confusion.

I feel names are boundaries; and if this story has to have any, I think it's best if you gave them those, to fit your own context.

Leave a comment about what you think!

And of course, do not hesitate to vote.

<3