I wake to the sound of the door opening. I groan, while I sleep I can forget the pain, the hunger, the longing. I can forget about him and all he meant to me. I can forget about all that's happened.
Jane walks in and is startled to see me awake. She is holding a tray of food and a small glass of water. She looks at me without guilt, without remorse, without sympathy. she looks at me with scorn, as if I was a child asking a question that she does not want to answer. And I suppose I am.
she betrayed me. I want to ask her why would she and how could she, but words fail me. If I had more than an ounce of sense I would jump up and wrap my fingers around her throat and hold her there till the last breath of air escaped her lungs, but I don't. And even if I did, I probably don't have the strength, so I just glare. I see her shift uncomfortably. She did not expect my fury. Probably expected me to weep or yell or lash out, but I .. just... stare.
"You should eat." she says it in a creaky, uncomfortable way. She clears her throat. "It's been four days." I look deep into her eyes, into her soul. I search for my friend but all I see is a monster, one that would send her brother to the slaughter without a second thought. I see a demon who does nothing, says nothing to redeem herself... not even an excuse.
I face the window of the small room. It's not truly a cell, I can leave this room as I like and partake in the activity of the place, but I don't. I am not trapped in this room on this floor but I am trapped, mentally as well as physically. Jane turns to leave and when she is at the door she faces me trying one last time to get a response out of me " He's not dead you know."
"He might as well be." I say, giving in.
"Going and gone are different things..." She tries to finish but I'm up, slamming her into the wall across the hall. everything is gone except anger, hatred of her, of the community, of life in this pit of hunger and pain.
I scream at her "YOU DO NOT GET TO SPEAK ABOUT HIM, DO YOU HEAR ME! YOU BETRAYED HIM, YOU BETRAYED ME..." I pause, and hear the footsteps of the guards down the hall. I step away from her and stand in my doorway. She looks at me as a deer in the headlights and tries to catch her breath "you are a traitor," I say quietly, "You don't deserve his memories or his love. He trusted you, I trusted you. Now what? kill him? kill me? you already have," I see the bruises on her neck where my hands had been staring to form. "The next time you speak like he is yours around me, I'd bring back up." I slam the door and feel the tears. I turn away and resume to sleep and ach and drown out the rest of the world.
A/N
This has some grounds in a story called Old Mans War by John Scalzi but not too much. Warning! People are going to die in this. Lots of them. You have been warned.
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Light in the darkness (septiplier)
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