The Day I Started Living

Chapter 12

POV Keira

Packing, I thought as Lana left the room ,I look towards the closet where my clothes are pushing the cupboard doors open, the boxes which hold all the shoes I bought on our shopping trip ,oh and there is more  "Oh. My. Soul" I groan out as I fall back onto the bed

"Come on, let's be done with it" I murmur to myself as I push myself up walking toward the bathroom, I turn the shower on remembering to get my clothes I turn back to the bedroom. Once I've collected all my shower gear together I return to the bathroom.

The one thing I wanted most during the course of this week was to be alone but now that I am alone it's not what I expected, my mind starts to think and to think is to feel and for me feeling are something I bottle up. I can feel my hearts beat start to pick up, my legs getting weaker and my voice straining with the strength it takes to hold back a sob.

I stood under the shower thinking about everything that's happened in the past two weeks. I let the water trickle down my back, through my hair as I start to cry all the emotion escaping me now , I can no longer be strong . I have no one, my family the people who are never supposed leave you have all but deserted me.

My cries are in pain as my mind plays tricks on me ,calling, whispering, tormenting me -speaking of things I'm not ready to accept yet

Their gone.....your alone........unloved.......unwanted........not worthy..........ugly girl whose never been loved..........forever alone......

I sob and it's not the pretty little hiccup here and there a few tears in-between, it's the ugly type of cry the one we all hide or do in secret. I don't know for how long I stood facing the wall of the shower crying and sniffing for or how she got into my room never mind the bathroom but all I remember is Cora turning off the shower, wrapping a towel around me and bridal style carrying me to the bedroom like my weight meant nothing to her.

She said nothing as she began to dried my hair as I sat on the bed with just a towel around me, we didn't speak there were no words of comfort anyone could give me for my pain, loss , my internal suffering couldn't be fixed not even by her. I watch through the mirror as she brushes and dries my hair I stare blankly at her noticing the little things about her like when she concentrates very hard her mouth twitches from side to side.

Once she is done she hands me a pair of underwear and turns to give me some privacy, I put them on then I put on the blue dress with tiny flowers on, I sigh, standing in front of the mirror.

"You look pretty" I heard her say as she approached me from behind, but I don't reply ,I just stared blankly at my reflection my eyes look bloodshot and my voice is all hoarse from my constant sobbing, "I don't I look like a kid who smokes tik"

"No you don't!" she said chuckling at my strange phrase for drugs "Now, do you want to talk about it" she said seriously but her eyes held only concern.

"Why do you care?" I look away from her reflection to look at my feet finding them very interesting "I mean no disrespect but you don't know me, yet you still care for me why?" I say in a whisper my voice to hoarse to speak any louder

"Because you are now family, your part of my family and in our family - we look out for each other" she said without hesitation, the honesty in her voice is nearly heart breaking –I turn around to look into her eyes and saw she meant every word she said.

"I don't even think I know what family is anymore, nor do I know what love feels like" I confess feeling utterly defeated, my heart breaking into pieces as I speak. "My mother left me taking my sister with her and my father, well.....whoever he was he didn't love me at least not enough to live a life with me ..... He just sold me, like I was a burden he had to get rid of" I'm looking down at my hands fiddling with my newly manicured nails.

"Well, you are no burden to me" she said taking my hands and walking me to the bed "Nor are my family, in fact you are like a blessing, a missing piece to our one puzzle" she said looking at me with warm moss green eyes as we sat on the soft bed, I had a feeling the last few words weren't about the family but something else.

I give her a small smile feeling an acceptance amongst the two of us "is it decent in there?" I heard a male voice call from outside I turn towards the door with wide eyes.

"Don't worry, it's just Robert. Yes it is!" Cora said loudly, I relax as he enters the room with a box in his hand.

"Keira, darling are you alright?" he said with worry as he saw my bloodshot eyes

"She's fine, Honey, just a minor breakdown. We were actually talking about it" She said it in such a way that you knew that was all you are going to hear on the topic.

"I see, well, I actually came to give Keira this" he hands me the box then turns to walk out.

"Wait!" I call out as he reaches the door, I jump of the bed and walk towards him "Thank you" I say with tears threating to fall "no one has ever given me a gift as generous as this one" I give him a hug then I step back moving towards the bed.

"It is not you who should thank me but it is I who should be thanking you" he said, his blue eyes holding some emotion I could not understand but all too soon he left.

"So Keira, want some company as you pack?" asked Cora looking at the area where the closet is.

"If you wouldn't mind" I say not wanting to be left alone again as I set the box on the bed side table