Scripted

Arrowhead Necklace

Arrowhead,

You're all that I have left,

Talisman leading me to my life,

Please don't leave me behind.

You're all that I have left of my father,

The one thing he believed had so much meaning,

And now all you mean to me is heartache and hope.

I wear you on my heart,

And my heart on my sleeve,

Just as my father has before me.

Help those who are helpless,

Care for those feeling worthless,

Talisman lead me to my destiny.

I wonder if he wore you once,

I wonder where he found you,

Maybe at those antique garage sales that he and I used to go to.

I wonder if he knew that I wore you,

Like a reminder that tragedy was constant,

That you were the one thing keeping me going.

I did not cry at first when my father died,

And it took me a week before I realized I never see him again,

And I can't go to another garage sale.

I can't hug my dad,

And his lifeless body wasn't him,

I was afraid to touch him,

Like he would break under my fingertips.

I used to brush my fingers through his hair as a joke,

His hair was always a mess.

And when I saw it combed I knew it wasn't him,

Couldn't be him,

And I ran my fingers through it to mess it up.

And I realized why my dad cried so hard at his brother's funeral the year before,

Muttering that it wasn't him.

But I didn't cry,

With you my arrowhead at my throat,

I knew he wouldn't want me to,

He hated to see me cry.

Oh God,

I knew it for years,

That's why I didn't cry.

I remember being a kid,

Crying my eyes out on his shoulder,

Knowing that I was going to lose him,

I have no idea to this day how I knew.

Before he was even diagnosed,

Only but a few months ago,

I remember I'd sob at fathers dying in the movies,

I'd sob at a father never getting to tell his daughter he loved her before he died,

I sobbed when they fought before the father passed.

And I prayed countless nights that I wouldn't lose him,

And maybe that's why when I lost him,

I simply went into a state of shock,

And cried neither at his funeral or visitation,

No matter how much I wanted to.

Maybe that's why I'm still numb,

And maybe that's why I only feel,

When I'm wearing the arrowhead necklace.