Numb (Camren)

Trying to Understand

When came into my house she kept looking around to see if anyone was there. She's probably worried that my parents are there and are going to ask her where she has been over the years. To say that she deserved that would be an understatement but it was Lauren. No matter how much she hurt me, I still don't like to see her hurt. She means so much to me, It's kinda hard to explain. I can't keep my guard down though because she could just ditch me again after the project is over.

After I asked Lauren if she wanted any food or drinks like the polite host I am, I lead her upstairs to my room where we were going to work on the project. When we get into my room, Lauren looks around my room mesmerized at all the changes that have happened since she was last at my house.

All of the sudden, she comes to a complete halt staring at some picture on my bulletin board. She stands there for a while before I come up behind her to see what she was looking at. It was a picture of us when we were around five years old and we went to a carnival. We had just gotten our faces painted. She was a tiger and I was a butterfly. I remember that day vividly like it was yesterday. The pain I was feeling right now was like the excruciating pain when someone stabs you multiple times.

"Camz, look! I 'm a tiger!" Lauren squeals running up to me.

"Cool! You definitely look like a tiger, Lo! Look at me too, do I look like a butterfly?"

"Well duh, what else would you be?" She smiles.

"I dunno, I was just asking." I answer with a shrug.

Lauren's mom came up to us with her younger brother, Chris, holding onto her hand and a newborn Taylor in a stroller, "Girls, are you ready to go home? I think Tay and Chris are ready to take a nap."

"Was that even a question?" I whisper to Lauren.

She shakes her head , "No. That means we're going home. Now. But that doesn't mean we can't play when we get home!"

She grabs my hand and we make a dash for the car. We wait for a few seconds until her mom shows up to unlock the car. Laur and I jump into the back so Clara can Put Taylor and Chris into their carseats. Once she buckled them in their carseat we went home spending the rest of the night playing with our dolls laughing our butts off.

"That was a fun day." I stated. She quickly turned around startled when she heard my voice, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Her frightened look turned soft, "No, Camz, it's fine. I was just thinking about the old times. I actually forgot I was even here, your voice popped me back into reality."

She pauses for a moment then continues on, "Remember how innocent we used to be? Not a care in the world. You know, not caring what people thought of us. I liked those times better, not because I wasn't judged but because I used to be great friends with you. Everyday at school, my friends are a constant reminder of everything I have lost. I know they aren't even real friends, they are just intimidated by me so they befriended me. It sucks It really sucks."

"Yeah, I may only have Dinah but at least she is a real, genuine friend."

"I'm sorry you only have Dinah." She says on the verge of tears, "If I wouldn't have left then you wouldn't have only one friend."

"Lo, don't cry. No, no, no. Please don't cry. I know I'm a little bit angry with you leaving me but you did what you had to do. I really don't want to see you cry, everytime you cry, I feel like crying and I'm an ugly crier.

Lauren sniffles, trying to keep herself from crying, "No, you're not. You think you are but you're actually really pretty."

"Am I not really pretty any other time?" I ask feigning hurt.