Numb (Camren)

Second Chances... I think?

For once as I walked into school, I felt confident. Now that she is my friend I can feel confident again. I don't need to keep my head down anymore. Lauren is my friend. I never thought I would be saying that again. It's a comforting thought. Dinah seemed surprised at my confidence because I used to have a lack of it. Dinah wasn't the only one who noticed. The whole school noticed my change in behavior too.

They were all staring at me as I stroll into the school. I didn't care though. I went to Lauren's locker to talk to her. As I approached I saw her. She had her leather jacket on, her beautiful raven colored hair falling down her shoulders. She was always gorgeous, even when we were kids.

"Hi Lo."

"What do you want, Cabello." She mumbles not taking her eyes off her locker.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, geez, calm down." I say taking a step forward and putting my hand on her shoulder.

"Would you please remove your hand from my jacket? I don't want a germ infestation from your touch." She yanks her shoulders from my grips.

"What the hell is your problem, Lauren?"

"You are the problem. Now beat it." She turns back to her locker.

As I walked away, I mumbled, "Some things never change."

***

First period dragged on slowly. All I could think about was her betraying me again. How could I let her get to me that easily? Now I know that I can't trust her. Not after everything she's put me through. Even if she says she wants to get close to me. I can't let her in.
I bring my attention to her in class to glare at her. She looks miserable to be honest. Like things inside her are clashing. She also looks like she is on the verge of tears, which makes me kinda sad. No. You can't be sad for her. She hurt you, she deserves this pain. It is what she gets for making me feel pain. I never deserved what she put me through.

In the middle of the class period Lauren raises her hand, "May I go to the nurse? I don't feel well."

Mr. Martinez stares at her for a minute then answers, "Of course, Lauren."

He then moves the direction of his eyes to me. His eyebrows raise and I give him an angry look. Then he gives me a sympathetic look seeing that something was up between us but he moves on with his lesson as if nothing had happened. I was glad he did. I did not want to deal with her right now. After class ended Mr. Martinez called me up to his desk. I sighed knowing exactly what this conversation was going to be about.

"What's up with Lauren, Camila?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"I don't know. She's not my friend." I spit back.

"Okay. Something's up. I heard when you and Lauren used to be great friends. Now you can barely stand to look at her. I understand that shit happens sometimes between friends but what she did can't be that bad, can it?" He asked hopefully.

"It is that bad. The rumors are true. We used to be the best of friends. Then when the popular squad asked to be friends with her she left me in the dust for them. Now with this project I let her back in and she apologized but she's falling back to her old ways again. She said and I quote, 'I don't want a germ infestation from your touch'."

"Wow. That's kind of harsh. I am sorry she said that. I hope you know she doesn't mean it though."

I look at him strangely, "And why not?"

"Her mother sent me an email this morning. It says that her grandfather died last night. I think she is mourning and the only way to cope with the sadness is to shut down every other emotion too." He explained.

"I don't care if that's a coping mechanism. She hurt me and I can't trust her."

"You should at least give her a second chance."
I glare at him coldly, "I did. I took the knife from my back, gave it back to her and guess what? She put it right back where it was before. I am not falling for her fake act again, Mr. Martinez. I'd rather take an F on this project then ever talk to her again."

"If that is what you want, I am not going to stop you." He says with a frown, "But I am not giving it to you until the day the project is due. That is if you do not complete it."

"You may as well give it to me now." I say back coldly.

"We'll see about that, Ms. Cabello." He holds out a late pass for my next class and I take it walking to my next class.

***

"Hey. I know I shouldn't bring it up but I heard Lauren went home sobbing today. Do you know if that's true?" Dinah asked from the passenger's seat of my car.

"Why would I know? Or why would I even care?"

"Well you were all giddy about her this morning." She held up her hands in defense.

"Yeah. This morning. As in not now. She did it again, Dinah. She traipsed back into my heart, stabbed it with a knife, then walked back out of my life."

"I'm sorry, Mila." She says putting her hand on my shoulder.

"It's fine. I just wish she wouldn't have this effect on me. You know, the one where I could be infuriated with her and yet if she says sorry, I will just forgive her then fall back into the trap. I think it's those green eyes. They are just so mesmerizing and it's hard to take your eyes off them."

"I think I know what you got." Dinah says.
"And what would that be?" I reply in a mocking tone.

"I think you love her. A lot. It might not be the romantic kind but you will always care about her. And the things you described to me make me think that you love her. You love everything about her and it hurts you because you put all your feelings into this relationship with her and she puts about 10%."

"I can't love her."

"Why not?" Dinah asks concerned.

"I don't know if I can put my heart in it again. If it gets crushed again, I don't know what I'll do. I can't go through it again. But I want to be with her."

"Then let her gain your trust back. Don't let her get too close to hurt you. But at least let her try. Give her another chance before you shut her down. She was having a bad day. Don't let that sever your relationship with her."

"How can you take away one of the problems that has taken me years to try to figure out and solve it in like one minute?" I question smiling.
"I'm just so smart." Dinah replies flipping her hair.

"You are." We both laugh.

I'm going to give her a chance. Hopefully she doesn't hurt me again. I really want to at least get a friendship out of this if not a relationship.