She Dreams of Paradise

He's gone.

A cell phone call was all.

This ache in my chest wouldn't go away.

And his face popped into my head.

He's dead.

He's gone,

With the wind,

This is it,

Can't pretend,

Because that was the end.

He's dead.

I remember all the good times we spent together,

And all the bad ones,

I wish I could take them back.

If I had known that I wouldn't have him this long,

I would've spent it better.

I would've answered his text right away,

I wouldn't have blown him off,

And I would've told him I Ioved so much sooner,

I wouldn't have waited.

At first the tears were stuck,

Wouldn't fall,

Just shocked,

In-shock,

Denial:

"He can't be gone-

He was too young."

It must be a joke,

A prank,

Someone messed up,

A mistake.

But then you see his car in the paper the next day,

The dice that he loved,

And would hang,

On the rearview mirror,

Was sitting on the stair.

Why'd he have to go?

I love him.

I love him.

He's gone.

And your plans with him,

Are no more.

You were supposed to get married,

But now you can't.

And you just wish,

That he was back.

I'm not invited to the funeral,

My fault.

If I would have just stayed,

If we wouldn't have fought-

I'm sorry.

My God,

I am so sorry.

I'm not one to pray,

But after to today,

I just want you to come back,

I just want to see your face.

And after today,

I'm assured.

Because if there was a God,

Then he wouldn't have taken them all.

Not when I needed them the most,

Not when I love them so much.

Even to this day it hurts,

Thinking about him.

And you start to forget,

Everything you loved.

Like the way he smiled when he first woke up,

Or the way he talked,

Or when his British accent came to light,

When he was mad.

And you can't really smell,

Him anymore.

And parts of him start to blur,

And you're not sure,

About how he felt,

When you hugged him.

Anger.

"Why'd you have to leave?

Why'd you have to go?"

You blame him,

For speeding that day,

But you still blame yourself,

You still cry yourself to sleep.

If it wasn't for your little girl,

Where would you be in the world?

Still shocked,

Still hoping that he's coming back,

And all you want is for her to be happy.

But it's hard to teach her what that is,

When you still miss,

Him.

I wrote this poem based on how I thought my mom felt when she found out my dad died. Please do not leave hate in the comments about the God part. Thanks for reading.