look into my grey eyes.
tell me i'm not enough.
because i'm getting bruised from your lies.
but i don't want to give up.
Danica invited me out for coffee with Ember, and I said yes because the café and my desolate apartment wasn't giving me what I desired. It was only making me think of him.
The outdoors was bitter to my flesh, and it's always this time of year that I wish I had bought a thicker coat. However, no matter how much a coat is stuffed with an insulator, it could never heat the permeant freeze that the loneliness marked on me. Very depressing, I know.
I walked into a warm cafe, and took off my jacket to adjust to the new atmosphere. I spotted not only Danica and Ember, but Massey, too. I walked over and greeted them all.
"Hope you don't mind that we brought the boys along. I had to get them out of the flat." Ember said poshly, sipping her tea.
My teeth shut tightly as she made the word 'boy' plural. Who else did she bring?
He answered my question as he hesitantly sat down at the table. His chocolate curls were messier than ever, as if someone had ran their fingers through then multiple times. I know, because that's how his luscious locks looked after I had ran my finger through his hair. It made me think, and become extremely jealous in a matter of seconds. Has he already found someone else?
His eyes looked at me, but only enough to know that I was present. The girl, who wasn't weak enough to fall into his arms after only a few times of meeting, was sitting at the same table as him. Casual.
Danica looked at me with concern flashing in her eyes. I told her what happened with such detail, you would think she watched a film by how graphic I was. I explained how his lips tasted, because that damned taste is stuck in my mouth and my brain and my heart. It's a cursed drug that's slowly making me more crazy and obsessive than I already am.
I can't write. I can't dream. I can't think straightly without him popping into everything I do.
I want to live without him being behind every corner. I want to see a world without him haunting me in the best way possible.
But every damn time I think of him or my eyes pass over his flawless face, a feeling of peace and happiness runs through my soul and butterflies blossom in my stomach. Even though it's ironic, he makes me feel like there's nothing bad or horribly wrong with this world, and in my beating heart I feel as if it will all be okay.
I can't stop asking myself why I'm torturing myself with the thought of how green his eyes are, or how red his lips were after they pressed themselves to mine as if it was the answer to life....what can I say? I'm a writer. Observing things to the point where they are nearly killing me is my profession.
I quickly said I had to go, because my camera was in my bag and I promised myself I would take pictures today. They let me go, but of course they put up a fight. Except Harry, who seemed to be in his own world as his fingers tapped on his phone screen.
I walked east of the café, walking with the flow of busy pupils. I pulled out my camera. I made the exposure longer, and clicked the button to capture the moment. A few seconds went by before a click was heard, and I checked the picture quickly.
Everything was moving in the picture, and they left a streak in the path of movement. The snow left everything with a touch of pallor, but the people who were unaware that I was even taking a picture are what made the picture interesting.
I wandered around, catching more moments into the never ending memory of my camera.
-
My stomach wasn't craving too much this evening, so I fixed myself a cup of tea to hopefully wind myself down for bed. I plan to watch a few episodes of grey's, then hit the hay and hopefully have my mind play a false fantasy that wouldn't have me waking up in disappointment.
The cup was empty by ten of eleven, and my eyes were slightly drooping from the day behind me. I reached for the remote, but my action was interrupted by a frantic knocking at my door.
My eye brows frowned in confusion. I wasn't expecting anyone.
"Who is it?" I called out, my voice soothed from the warm tea.
No answer - only more panicked knocking on the wooden barrier. I quietly walked over to the door to look through the peep hole.
I gasped as I saw him there, blood dripping from his nostril and lip, and a red cheek.
I opened the door, barely in anything, and he walked in without a word.
"Listen, I'm sorry for doing this." He shut the door for me, and locked the door while looking through the peep hole. "I had no where else to go. Jesus fucking Christ, that was close." He ran his hand through his pushed back hair, and his breathing was rapid like my heart beat.
"Are you being followed-"
"No." He answered a bit too quick and staunch.
I sighed. I knew he wasn't being honest. "You're bleeding like crazy. Come to the bathroom."
He followed me without another question. It was weird to have him being paranoid, and following my orders, since he's the type of person to envy dominance.
I cleaned his face, his eyes not daring to look at me once.
"I know you're lying." I admit.
He was calmer now, even in this vulnerable state. His light shake was gone, and he was looking behind us every few seconds; the flicker of his eyes to the open door then back to the bottom of my chin told me so. "About what?" His eye brow raised at my statement.
I rolled my eyes, but Harry didn't notice since he couldn't even look at me.
"Someone is after you. You wouldn't just show up to my house to drop in." I think for a moment. "Especially after what happened last time."
He just closed his eyes and shut his mouth. Good.
"Listen, Brin." My full name didn't roll off his lips, but it didn't bother me. "Please, just let me stay here tonight. I don't know where..." He trailed off as soon as he heard himself telling the truth for once. He just can't do it. He sighed again. "I'll be out of your hair by the morning."
His eyes finally looked into mine. I wanted to smile and kiss him so badly, to the point where my lips ached. I rubbed them together to attempt and get the feeling back and the numbness to disappear. The last thing I want to happen is him not here.
"Yeah. The couch is always open." I turned and walked out of my bathroom. "I'll get you a few blankets-"
"I'm sorry, Brinley." He said, rudely interrupting.
I sighed, closing my eyes and just wanting to forget about him and what he did, but life just couldn't let me live peacefully.
I opened the hallway closet. "I'll be back with blankets soon."
But if you let me love you, I swear I'd love you right.
