Missing you comes in waves, and tonight I'm drowing.
"Brinley, please-" I was a handful in Harry's eyes. It was evident in his stressed voice that he just wanted to put me in my bed and let me fall asleep.
I smiled. "You know, I never liked my name until you said it."
His emeralds didn't even glance at me, he just looked for the key to his apartment on his key chain, looking for the correct one to put into the lock. He swung open the door after I lost track of time. All my senses were on him.
His shirt was loose on him, and an abstract pattern wasn't a window to his inked skin, which bothered me to the max. I wanted to rip his shirt to shreds and kiss every inch of his being.
He placed his keys on the counter, but he placed them close to the edge, so they came falling down to the wooden floor with a loud thud. He sighed in frustration, since he was probably exhausted.
"I'll get that." I say, Harry behind me. I felt his eyes burn into my back side as I bent down to retrieve the fallen keys, and I knew that these jeans would be worth wearing.
"Brinley, knock that shit off." Harry nearly growled behind me. "I know what you're doing."
A jingle was heard as I placed the keys back into their original position. I looked up at him through my coated eye lashes. "Doing what?"
I would never act so childish if I wasn't so intoxicated, but you could say it's working. His glare hardened on me. Those forrest eyes were fixating on me, allowing me to wander and get lost in their vast space.
"You know just what." He stood there, not tearing his eyes away from mine.
I just smiled as I walked towards him, and his feet stayed glued to the floor.
"Brinley, I'm being serious-" My lips interrupted him as they connected with the base of his neck. Right now, his British accent needed to rest.
He placed his hands on my lower back as mine roamed on the inside of his loose shirt. "You said no, last time. You're hammered. I can't take advantage of you." He said lowly and hidden.
My lips stopped their movement at his words. I just giggled. "Alcohol says what sobriety could never admit."
I bit my lip looking up at him as he had an inner conflict in his brain. He eyes burned down at me, full of lust.
"No, Brinley." He calmly spoke, and then brushed past me. I stumbled back as he passed, leaving me alone in his silent kitchen. I sighed before hearing the living room door slam shut, signaling he was going to sleep.
I took my heels into my hands walked up the steep stairs until I got to Harry's guest room, well, mine for now. The bed wasn't made and my clothes were littered across the carpet, making me feel rude.
Jesus Christ, what is wrong with me? I fall in love with this bad man who is in the drug cartel, and then I beg him to sleep with me after I've already rejected him once, and now he's nice enough to let me stay in his room and I've trashed it because I can't even do a simple task like keeping a room clean. Tears run down my face and I try to keep quiet so Harry doesn't hear how much of a fool and how miserable I am. I fall onto the bed, my face diving into his lingering scent and just sob. Why can't I do anything correctly?
Why can't this room stay clean?
-
The pounding inside of my skull kept me in bed. I tried to sleep the day away, but the sandman wasn't on my side. But then again, he never was.
I opened my journal, trying to get the guilt out of my system. Of course I remember last night and how I acted like Harry could quench my thirst. He probably thinks lowly of me.
Who have I become? Never have I acted to reckless with my behavior towards the opposite sex. I've always been one to find out who I am, find out what I want, and never settle for less, but I've completely disregarded my plan with this bad boy.
Harry tore me from my doodles on the pages of my notebook by opening the door. A glass of water and pills were held in his large hands. He carefully placed them down on the bedside table, not looking too dandy himself. He looked as if he had partied until the sun rose.
"You must be feeling like shit." He ran a hand through his hair, which he had no idea he was teasing me by doing so. "Considering I drank less than you and have a hangover from hell."
I smiled, reaching for the liquid and ibuprofen. "Thank you, Harry."
He nodded before walking towards the door to leave me alone for the rest of the day probably.
"Harry, wait-"
"Brin, it's-" He interrupted, his patience visibly decreasing. "Just forget about it."
Our eyes connected before his briskly found interest in the floor instead. I open my eyes to him, and he choose to inspect the floor. Seconds passed but the dragged on like minutes in my head. The closing of the door tore me from my train of thought.
Stuck in your love
Waiting for your mercy
For when we'll be together
And where days won't count
