Love Is Blind

Finally Explaining

The coffee, thankfully, didn't take too long to finish brewing. Not wanting to waste any time, I needed to know the answer to the question that had plagued my mind for almost four days, I was rip roaring to launch straight into the conversation. Unlike me, though, Lacey preferred to take it slowly. Making her way to the table, she smiled and handed me my mug of coffee, cane sweeping the floor to and fro.

"Lacey, come on. Please. I really do need to know... I've got my coffee and I honestly don't think I can wait any longer," I admitted, expecting myself to sound sheepish, but I only sounded desperate. Which was more embarrassing in the long run.

Chuckling at my pleading tone, Lacey seemed to maneuver herself perpetually slower. Getting her coffee mug took longer than even an elderly person would have taken and just making her way back to my wooden dinner table seemed to take eons. Of course she would find my misery agonizingly funny.

"Lace, I'm serious. Please. Just..." I chewed at my lip some, not wanting to push her too hard but the gnawing feeling that had settled in my stomach days ago was rising up and threatening to eat me alive if she didn't give me some sort of answer soon.

Finally, she settled down in the chair, her hands wrapped around the white, porcelain mug, "Alright, alright.." Pausing for a moment, she brought the steaming mug to her lips. After a few sips, ones that I was almost amazed she didn't recoil from, she set it back down and spoke again, "You want to know why I don't love you, right?"

Blunt. Effective. Painful. Both she and I knew that the words weren't meant to come out so harshly; that they weren't meant to carry such a sharp edge to them. It didn't matter what we knew, though. Both of us felt the sting of them. Clearing my throat, I nodded, taking the unseen motion to gather myself before I spoke, "Yeah. That is what I've been asking all day."

Lacey nodded, and although unseeing, her eyes locked on her steaming coffee down inside her mug. "It's a long story...." She mumbled quietly, seeming a little more than upset about it all.

"Please... Tell me, Lacey. I need to know. It's important. Not just to me, but to both of us. You have to know that...." I replied gently, wanting to reach out and place my hand on her arm, to comfort her in some way, but I held back.

Nodding, she spoke a little more sternly, "You act as if I don't already know that. When, obviously, I do. I know it just as well as you know. I know it the same as your friend knows it and the same as Mason Greenly knows it."

Sighing, I slowly, tentatively, slid my hand across the shining wood and rested it on top of hers, "I know, I know that. I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you, Lacey. I just really need to know this... It means a lot to me..." I trailed off, leaving off the It should mean a lot to you, too.

She sighed as well, allowing my hand to fall down and shift just enough so our palms were resting, pressed together, "I know that it does. And it means a lot to me, too, Jacob. It's just hard. Especially knowing that this isn't some sort of elaborate lie you've fabricated just to make me feel better about you rushing from my house."

"I didn't mean to, I swear. Like I said-" I began.

Cutting me off, Lacey squeezed my hand as she reassured me, "I know that now, Jacob. Don't worry. I'm not angry anymore."

Letting out a breath of relief I hadn't even known I was holding, I squeezed back, "Thank you."

She nodded at me in acknowledgement and then she sighed, leaning back and dropping her free hand into her lap. "Okay... So... About, God..." She took a minute, whether to think or pull herself together I would never know, "About six or seven years ago I had a boyfriend, DJ."