'I don't wanna fall , fall away.'
my mind races , my thoughts taking over me . i pace around my room , thinking of ways to stop this madness.
i collapse onto the floor , giving up .
my thoughts are destroying me , day by day . and honestly i can't find a way for it to stop . i scream , hoping to drown out the voices , telling me that I'm not good enough and that i should just leave .
thats when it stops .
i calm down when i feel a sudden warmth of someones arms around me . this person holds me close to them and i keep my eyes shut , enjoying the comfort .
the persons voice was soothing , telling me that 'everything's gonna be okay' and 'shhh tyler , calm down.'
and then it was gone .
the person; gone .
the voices; gone .
and everything was black . i was sleeping . finally a place where i can find peace. and all i knew was my mind was quite dark and scary . but somehow i found comfort in it all .
__________________
"Ty , wake up."
I hear someone say to me , I open my eyes slowly seeing a dark haired boy hovering above me.
I sit up , letting my eyes adjust to the light seeping through the blinds .
"What time is it?" I ask .
"7 in the morning , I'm about to leave." My best friend josh says .
I hug him goodbye , he'll be back later though. He has to go to work. He leaves me , leaving me with the quiet of my room and the crazy world outside of it.
I decide today's a good day to write.
After getting up , I walk downstairs to be greeted by my family all sitting around the living room , watching a news broadcast . I walk past them , down the hall and downstairs to my hideaway .
Or as my brother , Zach , says 'our basement that tyler plays music in.' He doesn't understand .
In my hideaway , theres a piano with tiny Christmas lights hanging around it , a couch , a tv and then a desk where i write at .
The tv is useless , but my mom insisted on putting one here . I don't feel the need to watch it , its all just pointless shows or new channels that lie or try to scare you .
As i sit down at my desk , i think of a song name .
'fall away'
i think of song lyrics , jotting down ones that seem to work . after what seems like hours , but was only 2 , i think of the first verse .
'I disguise
And I will lie
And I will take my precious time
As the days melt away
As I stand in line
And I die as I wait as I wait on my crime
And I'll try to delay what you make of my life
But I don't want your way,
I want mine
I'm dying and I'm trying
But believe me I'm fine
But I'm lying,
I'm so very far from fine'
I feel proud . of course this isn't the first song ive written , ive wrote a song called 'Before you start your day' and 'March to the Sea'.
but this one , this one is different.
____________________
After hours of writing , I decide to take a break . Josh should be back soon , he practically lives here . As soon as I start to walk back upstairs , the door opens and I see him standing in the door way .
He runs down the stairs , joining me . He throws an arm around me , then saying
"How was your day?"
"Slow , but successful."
"Really? How so?" He asks , a curious look on his face , which was quite adorable.
"I wrote a new song called 'Fall away'"
He moves his arm from around me and takes a seat on the couch , motioning for me to "Go on and play it"
I sit down at my piano .
Taking a deep breath , i begin .
'I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I'll keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away
I disguise
And I will lie
And I will take my precious time
As the days melt away
As I stand in line
And I die as I wait as I wait on my crime
And I'll try to delay what you make of my life
But I don't want your way,
I want mine
I'm dying and I'm trying
But believe me I'm fine
But I'm lying,
I'm so very far from fine
And I, I can feel the pull begin
Feel my conscience wearing thin
And my skin
It will start to break up and fall apart
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I'll keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away
Every time I feel selfish ambition
Is taking my vision
And my crime is my sentence
Repentance is taking commission
It's taking a toll
On my soul
I'm screaming submission and,
I don't know if I am dying or living
'Cause I will save face
For name's sake
Abuse grace
Take aim to obtain a new name
And a newer place
But my name is lame
I can't walk and I ain't the same
And my name became
A new destiny to the grave
And I, I can feel the pull begin
Feel my conscience wearing thin
And my skin,
It will start to break up and fall apart
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I don't wanna fall, fall away
I'll keep the lights on in this place
'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away.'
I turn around to face josh , his face was pale , it seemed like he was gonna pass out . I rush over to him and ask
"Josh , you okay?"
He shakes his head yes , he then pulls me close and hugs me . Tight .
"I've never seen you sing with so much passion before , it was amazing . I loved seeing you like that and I love the song." He says .
I smile , hugging him even tighter .
and thats when i realized how much this boy means to me . and how much i love him .
