2015

Honestly

If I had the guts
To say what's on my mind
Will it make you stay ?
Or will you leave me again?

If I had the heart to share
To make promises together
Will it be safe with you?
Or will I be broken again ?

If I had the strength to look back
& to remember every single moment
Will I smile at the memories?
Or cry because of the scars that remain?

I know I couldn't move on
I know I can forget
Maybe I never felt real love
What exactly is love ?

Why does it hurt so much ?
Why does it cuts so deep?
Why does it bleed too?
Is this love at all ?

Love was suppose to be a friend
Created to protect & to cherish
To value & to share
Love is supposedly unique, why is it dangerous ?

I forgot how it feels
I forgot how it started
Because remaining scars left me numb
Heart hesitates to try again

So many promises broken
So many pieces left alone
Growing up I shield myself
Kept myself away from feeling anything

I lost too much
I lost so many
Alone & ruined
Broken & bruised

I had said my goodbyes
Why suddenly shows up a hello
I'm still knitting my heart back
Fears covering me whole

I'm afraid
Terrified more like
Being destroyed wasn't fun
To experience again, no thanks.